Life or Death Matters
by Lynnlee22
Summary: Philly (Phyllis and Billy)-Life is full of choices...
1. Chapter 1

Mr. Abbott?"

Billy looked up from the computer, pinching his temples hard. He took another drink from the cup of all too cold coffee that sat on the corner of his desk and glanced at the time. Two hours-he had two hours to deadline and he was no closer to a decent idea than he had been before he pulled this all nighter.

"What is it, Tina?"

The young woman walked in, her hesitation made him feel guilty. Was he that difficult to deal with?

"Tina-I'm sorry if I've been an ass," he said earnestly, "I was just really hoping to get this magazine launched this month and..." He sighed, dejected, "looks like that's not gonna happen."

She nodded. "Should I call and let the publishers know?"

Billy nodded. "Might as well." He stared down at the plans on his desk. The piles of work seemed to multiply with each passing day and without Phyllis here to help him, it took everything in him to even keep his head above water.

His eyes fell on the picture of her that sat on the corner of his desk.

Tina smiled. "We all miss her," she said softly. "I'm sure when she gets back, everything will fall right into place."

Billy smiled back at her as she disappeared from the room. He reached into his desk drawer, grabbing the bottle of aspirin and pouring two out into his hand. His back was killing him-no doubt thanks to spending all night sitting behind a computer screen. And for what? Wha had he accomplished exactly? A whole lot of nothing-the same hint he accomplished day after day after day.

It didn't make any sense, he knew how to do this. He'd done I before-Restless Style had been successful for a while and he enjoyed it, but it was almost as if he couldn't focus-as if his brain was stuck in quicksand. Maybe it was true-maybe you really could burn out, but if that was true, how did you start the fire again?

* * *

Phyllis stared out the window as she watched the snow softly fall to the ground. She loved this time of year. It was so peaceful and quiet, though lately it had been too quiet...far too quiet.

She stared at the cell phone on the table in front of her. She could call him-see if he was still at the office. His voice was what she longed to hear, the low, comforting tone-the way he could say her name in a whisper and almost make her melt. She missed that. She missed him.

The phone felt heavy in her hand as she considered the call. This should not be this complicated, she grumbled inside her own mind. She stopped short as she heard noise outside. She walked to the door, surprised to hear keys and see the doorknob turning.

"Hey," she said quietly. "I didn't expect you home so soon. I figured you'd be working down to the wire for the launch."

Billy shook his head. He was exhausted, but buoyed simply by seeing her face. "It's not gonna happen this month-we'll get it next month."

He dropped his briefcase and threw his coat over the back of the sofa as he stepped closer to her.

"I'm so sorry, Billy. I know how important this was to you."

"The only thing that matters to me right now is that you know how important this is to me." He took her hands in his, kissing them both before looking into her eyes once more. "I'm so glad to be here with you."

She smiled. "I'm glad you're here too. I've missed this-just being this close. It's been so crazy lately-lets promise to make this-us-a priority, ok?"

He kissed her lips lightly, "you got it." Billy glanced towards the stairs. "There is one more girl I want to kiss. She upstairs?"

Phyllis nodded. "Yeah, I've got to get her up soon or else it's gonna be a long night. Tell you what," she smiled, "why don't you go get her and I'll go check on dinner?"

Billy froze. "Check on dinner? By check on you mean check on the reheating process or transfer from microwave safe dish to serving platter?"

"Nope-you should be proud of me. I cooked a full meal. Pork tenderloin, rice, and asparagus."

"That's uh...wow..that's...ambitious."

"Well you know me," she grinned, "I don't do anything half way."

"This is very true." Billy smiled as he watched her practically bounce back into the kitchen. He exhaled slowly and shook his head. Standing at the bottom of the stairs, he looked up at them. To him, they were as daunting and exhausting as Everest, but head to try. He gripped the bannister and propelled himself up the stairs. He'd go to bed early tonight. Apparently he really was getting old.


	2. Chapter 2

She stirred, the bright light waking her. The clock on the side table showed 2:06 and she clutched the sheet around her as she struggled to sit up. Her arm searched the bed for him, but found his side of the bed empty. She reached down beside the bed, grabbing her robe where it had been dropped a few hours before.

Maybe the baby had been crying and he'd gotten up with her.

There was movement in the bathroom and she cringed as she heard him heave again. "Billy," she said softly. "Sweetie, you ok?"

Billy took a breath. He slowly sipped from the glass of water, holding his breath and willing it to stay down. His hands were clenched in fists when she slowly pushed opened the door to find him throwing up again, the water still cold.

"What can I do?" Phyllis touched his back gently. "You think it was the dinner?"

He glanced back at her, managing a slight smile. "Your cooking is lethal, babe, but you'd be sick too. No, it's probably just a virus. You should get out of here...you don't want this..."

"Don't you think it's a little late to be keeping your distance?" She smiled at him as she wet a washcloth and ran it across his face. "Besides I want to take care of you."

"And I appreciate the sentiment, but if we're both out of commission, who's gonna take care of the nugget?"

Phyllis sighed. "I should go check on her. Why don't you get back in bed?"

He nodded. He braced himself on the tub, surprised by the amount of effort it took to stand.

She saw the concern in his eyes as he straightened up. "It's just from losing all this fluid. Remember how weak I was when I had such bad morning sickness?"

He did remember. There were countless trips to the ER for dehydration. She couldn't keep anything down, the right of food, the smell of it would send her reeling. He worried constantly.

"But once I felt better and started eating, I bounced back. In the morning, I'll bet you'll be better."

* * *

"Billy."

Phyllis ran the cool rag across his face again. She'd been awake all night, watching him fight attacks of nausea and cramps. His legs ached and his back throbbed. Sometime before the sun came up she'd searched his symptoms online-there were so many possibilities. He could have food poisoning, a virus, or a life threatening disease.

Billy opened his eyes. He could see her worry immediately and though his instinct was to calm her, he wasn't sure he had the energy today.

"Feeling any better?" She asked, hopefulness screaming in her voice.

He could lie-at least it would make one of them feel better. "Hard to say," he said quietly.

"But not any worse?"

Could it get worse? It was a scary concept.

The monitor blinked, a shrill cry echoing through the room.

"She certainly has her opinion," he said with a weak smile. No matter what the circumstances, that little girl could always make him smile. She was the gift he'd never dreamed of and since the moment he'd learned of her existence, she'd become the center of their world.

"You shouldn't bring her in here...around me." His voice broke a little as he said the words. Even this-the simple thought that he couldn't see her this morning made his heart ache. "It's just...since we're not sure what this is and she hasn't had all her immunizations yet."

Phyllis nodded. "Right...you're right. I'll tell her you love her. I'll tell her." She touched his arm and rushed from the room.

Billy listened as he heard her enter, the monitor picking up the conversation. He smiled as he heard Phyllis whispering to their baby daughter, telling her how much he loved her. He felt his eyes slowly close as he listened to the rocking chair creak as she softly sang a lullaby.

* * *

His eyes flew open. Her hands were on him, shaking him violently.

"Billy!"

"What? What's wrong?" He could see it in her eyes, the fear, the worry... "Is it the baby...something happen to Charlotte?"

Phyllis took a deep breath. "No. She's ok. It's you...you're drenched in sweat and you were shaking...like a seizure almost. Do you not...do you not remember?"

He placed his hand on his face, the cool clammy skin sticky under his fingertips. His hair was damp and, as he shifted on the bed, he felt his clothes stick to him.

"No," he said softly. "I don't. I'm sorry I scared you. I'm ok though...really. I'm sure it's just..."

Phyllis shook her head. "I've already called a sitter...the lady Tina recommended. She's on her way. I'm taking you to the hospital."

"Phyllis don't you think that's a little over..."

Her eyes flashed, "No-I don't because..." She stared at him, her eyes filling with tears, "because I wasn't sure I was going to be able to wake you up just then..."

Billy was silent for a moment. "What do you mean?"

"I called your name over and over and you didn't move. I touched you and nothing. It took me almost ten minutes to get you to respond. That's why I was so freaked out. I thought...I was afraid.."

He felt her take his hand and he gladly laced his fingers through hers. She needed comforting as much as he needed to feel her hand in his. He had his answer-it could get worse.

* * *

Phyllis looked up expectantly as the young doctor pulled the curtain and walked up to the side of the bed. He extended his hand and introduced himself. She listened as he went through the pleasantries, but she dídnt really hear any of it. She'd been been far too busy listening to another voice-one much more foreboding, one only she could hear. It was a voice that had lived with her since she was a child-a voice that followed her through much of her adult life. It was the voice that warned her of bad things to come-the whisper in the back of her mind that the other shoe was still hovering...just waiting to drop.

"Ms. Summers," the doctor repeated a bit louder this time.

"I'm so sorry," Phyllis responded, shaking her head. "It's been a very long night. Can you repeat that."

The dr smiled. "I was just saying that the preliminary tests show severe dehydration and some sodium deficits along with potassium and iron. That's easy enough to treat. We'll hook you up to fluids and some infusions while we wait on the metabolic panel results. Barring anything unexpected, you'll be free to go."

Phyllis felt the air escape her lungs in a long sigh. She hadn't but realized it but she had been holding her breath. "Thank you," she said, smiling broadly at Billly before looking back at the doctor. "I can't tell you how much we appreciate this,"

Billy's fingers laced through hers again as she lay her head on his shoulder. She smiled as his eyes closed and she finally allowed hers to do the same. The voice in her head had finally shut up.


	3. Chapter 3

"This really isn't necessary." Billy struggled to sit up in the narrow hospital bed. "This place is filled with really sick people. I'm probably going to catch something just being here." He saw the lines in her forehead-she wasn't convinced.

"Hey," he whispered, reaching out his hand for her to take, "I want you to get that very worried look off your face and show me a smile. That's the best medicine anyone could give me right now."

"Billy, this isn't a joke, ok? You don't know what it was like earlier when I couldn't get you to wake up." She took a breath, remembering the total terror that had rushed through her body, how her legs had nearly given way beneath her, how she'd leaned over him, screaming his name, begging him to answer. She shook her head, "I thought..."

His lips brushed her fingertips. "I'm sorry." Her eyes still stared at the floor. He kissed her hand again, squeezing it and bringing it to his chest. "There, you feel that?"

Phyllis smiled.

"My heart's still beating away-probably a little faster because you're standing there beside me but beating just the same. I'm not going anywhere...no way am I gonna miss doing this life with you. We earned this."

She leaned down, kissing his lips softly. Even as he lay in a hospital bed, he was comforting her.

A young nurse stepped into the room. "Billy Abbott?"

Billy moved his head around Phyllis who stood and turned to face the nurse. "It's good that you're here," he paused, waiting for the nurse to supply her name.

"Gwen," she said with a smile.

"Gwen," Billy continued. "There has been a serious misunderstanding. I should not be here surrounded by sick people. I should be home drinking ginger ale and eating dry toast so I can get rid of this virus or food poisoning-or whatever this is, but I should absolutely not be wasting the time and talent of such a lovely young nurse." Billy flashed a disarming grin. "So, how quickly do you think you could get me my discharge papers, Gwen?"

Gwen smiled, glancing over at Phyllis who was now seated, leaning back in a chair by the bed with a bemused expression. "Gotta watch this one, huh?" she smiled.

Billy furrowed his brow noting the smile shared between Phyllis and Gwen.

"Of sweetie, don't worry-you're not losing your touch," Phyllis cooed, "I just happened to run into Gwen in the hallway when I went out to fill out some paperwork and I might have given her a heads up about your tendency to try and charm your way out of situations."

"Your girlfriend knows you pretty well, Mr. Abbott," Gwen smiled, "and to answer your question, I can't get those discharge papers ready until we get back the results of the tests and the lab work. The doctor will be with the results as soon as he has them."

Billy smiled and nodded, defeated.

"So, since your master plan failed, is there anything you need...anything .I can get you?"

He shook his head, glancing back over at Phyllis who still held his hand in hers. "No. thanks-I have everything I need."

* * *

Billy leaned forward, his hand gently massaging his back. This bed wasn't doing him any favors. The mattress couldn't have been more than a few inches thick. He jumped as he heard the door and saw Phyllis' face.

"Is your back bothering you again?" The concern in her voice was obvious. She stepped over to his side quickly, her hand stroking his.

"I'm sure it's just strained muscles from being sick and this high quality bedding doesn't help." He flashed a grin.

She didn't respond.

"Come on. It's fine. It's just a pulled muscle." He touched her face. "Did you get ahold of the sitter? How's our baby girl?"

Phyllis smiled. She couldn't think about her without smiling. There had been moments during her pregnancy where she'd feared they might lose her and now, each and every time she looked into her big, hazel eyes, she was reminded of how blessed they truly were. "She's good. Marah said she ate almost all the green beans and only spit carrots at her twice."

"That's progress," Billy smiled, "my best was four." He laughed, drawing in a sharp breath as a sharp pain ripped through his back.

"I'm okay," he muttered, quickly before she could panic, "I'm sure it's muscular. It makes sense, right...since it's like spasms?"

"I guess," Phyllis said, her voice still full of worry. "I just wish those results would hurry so .I could really be sure."

"Trust me. I would know if..."

The quick rap on the door stopped him short. The doctor opened the door before he had a chance to respond. "Mr. Abbott?"

Billy nodded and shook the doctors outstretched hand. Phyllis nodded and smiled and quickly shook hands as well.

"I am Dr. Singh," he said talking quickly. "I apologize for the delay in my arrival. I take it the on call physician has already discussed the situation with you?"

Billy looked at Phyllis. "You mean about waiting for the tests results before I could be discharged? I talked to a nurse and she said they just had to rule out any issues before I could go home. I tried to tell them it's some kind of virus or something. I've been telling her not to worry." Billy gestured to Phyllis, as he looked back at the doctor. His eyes were more serious now. He wanted to scream at him-to beg him to tell her he was right-that there was nothing to worry about, that he could go home with her, that they could continue to live the life they'd dreamed about. They could get married, run their magazine, raise their baby girl, live the fairy tale.

"Billy..." Phyllis stood, her eyes fixed on the doctors face. She had always been good at reading people. In most circumstances, it was a good thing. It helped her stay ahead, figure out motives, spot liars, expose schemes, but other times, times like this, it gave you just a little bit longer to know something horrible was about to happen-a little longer to dread the bomb that would blow your life to hell. "Why don't we let the doctor tell us why he's here."

"I'm sorry," he said quietly, looking back down at the chart he held in his hands. "I was under the impression someone had discussed things with you-let you know I'd been called in."

"No one has told us anything," Phyllis said, the words coming out of her mouth in a rush, a hint of irritation hiding in the undertone. She did that often when she was afraid. Fear made her feel weak so she dressed it up as anger, as bravado, as spitefulness. This was no difference. "Can you tell us what's going on, please?"

Dr Singh took a few steps closer to the bed, his eyes softening as he looked at the two of them. "Mr. Abbott, I'm afraid your wife has good reason to be concerned."

Phyllis opened her mouth, her instinct to correct him, but suddenly it didn't matter. Nothing mattered except the words that would come next-that and the man laying in the bed next to her, the man who gripped her hand in his.

"What's wrong?" she managed, her voice shaking.

"End stage renal failure," he said, "Quite frankly, its remarkable you're doing as well as you are. Typically my patients with levels like these are far more debilitated. Clearly you're a very stubborn and determined man. That's good. That will serve you well."

Billy blinked. "Renal failure? That's kidneys, right?"

The doctor nodded. "That's right. We consider a patient to be in kidney failure when their kidney function falls below 15%." He paused for a moment, looking at Billy. "Your blood work came back at 9%."

Phyllis drew in a sharp breath. Her face felt hot and she closed her eyes for a moment to ground herself. "What..." She swallowed, struggling again to get her breath back. "What can we do? How do we fix it?"

"You can't fix it? Kidneys can't be repaired. At this stage, there's only one option. You'll have to begin dialysis unless and until we can secure a donor."

"A donor?" Phyllis could hear her own voice, but it was as if she was watching someone else live this nightmare. This couldn't be them..this couldn't be happening-not now, not after everything they'd been through to get here.

"Yes, a kidney transplant is also an option that would save your husband as well as negate the need for dialysis."

"Could I donate?" She asked quickly.

"No," Billy said immediately. "You're not going to..,"

"I think you're getting ahead of yourself, Mrs. Abbott. Donors are screened extensively to determine if they are a suitable match in order to give the patient the best chance at not rejecting the organ."

"So I'll get tested," she said, undeterred by Billy's words.

Dr. Singh nodded. "You certainly can, but you should know, the best case scenario is a living family member donation."

Silence fell over the room.

"I'm going to give you two some time," the doctor said. "I'll get you some material on dialysis options and I'll get you the address and numbers of the nearest clinic so you can call and get your first treatment set up." He looked at Billy, patting his arm supportively. "We'll talk again soon." After a nod to Phyllis he stepped out of the room.

Phyllis turned to look at Billy.

"Don't even think about it," Billy said softly.

"Think about what? I'm going to get tested if that's what you mean. If you think you can talk me out of that you're wasting your breath."

"That's not what I mean and you know it."

Phyllis sighed. "Billy-we don't really have a choice. I can't lose you and if that means asking for help from your family..,"

"Not after the way they treated us...they wouldn't even come to see our baby."

"I know, but Billy, if we can't find a donor..." She felt the tears sting her eyes as the reality began to set in.

He watched as her face crumbled in front of her. Their dream was dying right in front of his eyes and he was powerless to stop it. He wrapped his arms around her as she lay her head on his chest. The beating of his heart thumped in her ear.

"You can't leave me," she whispered. "Don't ask me not to fight for you..for us. I'm not gonna let you go."

He held her tighter. "Me either."


	4. Chapter 4

She jerked, sitting up quickly in bed beside him. "What's wrong? Are you ok?"

"I'm ok. I was just turning over." Billy sighed heavily, the look in her eyes bothering him far more than any physical discomfort he was experiencing. "Baby, please just try and get some sleep. I'm ok. I'm going to be ok."

"I just wish we'd stayed at the hospital," she said quietly, willing herself to relax. "I would have felt better there-at least there they would have known what to do."

"I didn't want to stay in that hospital. I wanted to be home-here in our bed with you. Besides there's nothing they can do. There's nothing anyone can do. You heard what the doctor said."

"That's not what he said. There's treatment and you can get.." She stopped herself, shaking her head before speaking again, "you will get a transplant."

"I know you want to believe that, but we need to be realistic here. I read those brochures. There are people that wait years and..."

"Not you..." She held up her hand, an indication that she wouldn't hear it. She couldn't. The words wouldn't even be spoken in her presence. She could only allow for the entertainment of the possibility that a donor would be found, that the transplant would be performed, that it would be successful, that she-they would have their happy ending.

"You have family members that will be tested and I'm going to be tested," she continued.

"Phyllis.."

"Billy, dammit," she snapped, feeling her eyes burn hot with fresh tears. "Why are you fighting me on this? Don't you try and tell me you wouldn't do the very same thing if the situation was reversed. Don't you pretend that you wouldn't do anything...everything to try and keep me here and healthy."

He reached up, touching her face. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry to put you through this."

She lightly kissed his forehead. "You don't apologize to me anymore, ok? We'll get through this...we'll do it together."

* * *

The breath left her body in a long, thready sob as heard the bathroom door latch behind her. She clasped her hand tight over her mouth, mindful of the thin walls of the clinic. No one here needed to worry about the woman having a meltdown in the ladies room.

She'd managed to hold it together as they'd walked hand in hand through the parking lot, as they'd passed couples, some of them older, other looking disturbing young, walking back to their cars. You could always tell who'd been receiving the treatments-it was the run who looked as if the life had been had been drained from them, the one whose skin had the color of paste, the one whose steps shuffled across the pavement.

The plastered smile had miraculously remained as they'd entered the clinic and watched as row after row of people sat hooked up to machines, as nurses checked monitors, as beeping alarms sent once calm attendants sprinting down the aisle. She'd held herself together as Billy settled into the chair, as the nurse asked him questions, as they examined his new port. She'd waited until they started the treatment to excuse herself.

She'd gone into the ladies room, checked every stall to ensure no one was there, and proceeded to let it all go-the fear, the anger, the pain...all of it.

* * *

"When you do it with Charlotte it's sweet," he said with a slight smile, "with me it's kind of creepy."

Phyllis stood up, taking a few steps to stand beside him at the edge of the bed. "Sorry," she whispered, "I just worry, you know. The nurse said to keep an eye on you after the first treatment..just to make sure there weren't any side effects."

"I'm fine," he assured her, squeezing her hand. "I think maybe you should get some sleep."

"I will..soon. I'm just waiting on a phone call..."

Billy's eyes narrowed.

"Not from them," she said quickly. "I promised you I wouldn't call them yet and I haven't. I'm actually waiting for a call from Dr. Singh. I had a question for him and he said he'd get back to me later today."

"What kind of question?"

Phyllis hesitated. The answer would upset, but somehow lying to him now felt wrong.

"Phyllis," his eyes were more serious, "what did you do?"

She sighed. "I had them run the compatibility tests on me," she admitted.

His expression immediately darkened and he sat up quickly, raising his arms in frustration. "I thought we talked about this?! You know how I feel about it."

Her eyes immediately began to well up and he paused, his own heart aching as he watched her. "Look," he said, his eyes softening as he looked at her, his tone more forgiving, "I get it and I love you for it, but we've got a little girl to think about. If anything were to happen..." He felt a lump rise in his throats and he swallowed hard in an attempt to power through. He looked into her eyes again. "If anything were to happen to you because of this...because you were trying to help me, how would I tell her that. How would I explain that she didn't have a mother so I could be here."

Phyllis shook her head. "That's not going to happen. It's safe...very safe. I talked to the doctor. It's routine..especially for the donor..basic surgical risk factors, that's all."

"That's too much for me," he insisted. "No risk. I don't want any risks at all."

"That's not the real world, Billy. There will always be risks. And if we don't at least try, you might not be here to raise our daughter with me. Why don't you think about that? Why don't you think about the questions I'll have to answer if you aren't here with me."

Phyllis stopped, her cell vibrating on the nightstand. She picked it up, her eyes falling on the screen and widening slightly as she saw the name. "I need to get this," she said quietly, standing up.

"Phyllis," Billy said quickly, "if that's Dr. Singh, please just think about what I said. You don't have to..."

She looked back at him. "I've got to answer the phone," she said curtly, before stepping out of the room and closing the door behind her.


	5. Chapter 5

She clutched the banister, suddenly feeling unsteady on her feet, the words still echoing in her mind.

" _I don't understand," she managed. "You just said..."_

 _"Mrs. Abbott, I really think it would be better if we could talk in my office. I really don't think this is something we should do on the phone."_

 _"I can't...I can't leave right now." She glanced up the stairs, towards the closed doors. "You said yesterday that I was the right blood type and that I was a half match with the tissue type. I know it isn't ideal, but you said as long as the cross matching was negative..."_

 _She heard him sigh into the phone._

 _"I understand it's confusing. It's a very complicated process, but you're right, indications were positive. It isn't that you aren't a viable match, it's that you can't be a donor...for anyone."_

She made it to the chair in the corner, lowering herself into it slowly. "Breathe," she whispered, her voice impossibly shaky. She had to pull herself together. He'd be looking for her, wondering about the call, wondering what they talked about. He'd have questions and she had to have answers. What she wouldn't give for answers.

Her hand trembled as she stared at the phone. She'd made him a promise-that she wouldn't call his family, that she wouldn't involve them now-not until they had exhausted every option, not until they truly had no choice. Now, as she sat there staring at the list of her contacts, she thought about the other promises she'd made, that she'd make their life a priority, that nothing would be more important than their family, that she'd love him, that they would be happy and together and...

She pushed the button on the screen, closing her eyes as she silently prayed she'd answer.

"Hello"

Her tone of voice wasn't welcoming in the least and Phyllis had no doubt she'd checked the ID before answering.

"Jill?" She'd come to count on her confidence and assertive nature. This new, nervous energy was uncomfortable and she took a deep breath before speaking again.

Jill stood, her hand on the mantle, her eyes resting on the picture of the Abbott family that sat in the credenza. It was from several years ago at Christmas and was probably one of the last times they were all happy together. It was before her son and that woman had blown their entire family to hell.

"What is it, Phyllis? I don't have time for your dramatics today."

God how she wished it was dramatics. "Jill, it's not... I didn't call..." Her voice broke and she drew in a breath again. "Dammit," she hissed.

Jill stilled, her breath quickening, her chest tightening. Her tone shifted a bit, less hateful and dismissive, more frantic and concerned "Phyllis," she repeated, a tremor in her words, "what's going on?"

"It's Billy." Those were the only words she managed before the floodgates opened, before the sobs she'd been holding in broke. She sputtered and choked out the details of the past few days, grateful that Jill didn't interrupt. Occasionally she'd hear her take a shaky breath, an assurance that she was there, that she was listening, but her silence allowed her to continue.

"He needs a donor," she said, finding her composure for a moment. "I can't do it. I'm not..." She thought for a moment. "I can't be the donor. He needs his family, Jill. The doctor said a living donor-a family member is his best chance."

"Of course," Jill said quickly, "I'll be there. I can fly out..."

"No," Phyllis stood up, as if she could somehow physically stop her. She brought her hand to her face, sitting back down slowly. "Please, don't. He doesn't..."

Jill felt the tears run down her cheeks. She'd managed to keep them at bay so far, not wanting Phyllis to see, or rather hear, her so vulnerable, but this broke her. Her son, her baby boy, didn't want her there. When children were sick, they wanted their mothers-no matter how old they were, it was natural, but not her child.

"Jill," Phyllis said softly, her voice suddenly compassionate. Jill had said and done horrible things to her, about her, about her relationship with Billy, but Jill was a mother and, like her, she truly wanted the best for her child. A child's rejection hurt like nothing else. "He just..."

"Don't.." Not pity, not from her. "I'll contact the doctors at Memorial" she said quietly. "I'll set up the testing and I'll get everyone I can think of to go get tested." Her words were rushed. She needed to go. She had her limits. Her amour was shaken.

"Thank you." Phyllis let it go. She knew about saving face. She'd done it many times and in this instance, she let Jill walk away with the dignity.

* * *

"Long phone call," Billy said, a question in his voice when Phyllis opened the door.

"Sorry," she whispered, sitting down on the side of the bed, reaching for his hand. She sighed as she felt his hand on her cheek, his thumb gently brushing away the tear that escaped her eye.

"What is it?" He asked.

"Nothing...it just feels really good to be able to walk in her and hold your hand...the thought of not being able to do that...of you..."

"Hey-that's not gonna happen. The dialysis treatments can work for years and by that time who know what of crazy sci fi crap they'll come up with. We might be growing kidneys in window boxes." He smiled.

"Please stop joking about this..."

"I'm not joking...I'm just trying to lighten the mood a little. Besides, you're serious enough for both of us and I know you're beating yourself up for not being a match, right?" Billy stared into her eyes, gently touching her chin and turning her face back towards his when she looked away. "Right?"

She didn't answer-she couldn't. The honest answer was too much-too much for her and certainly too much for him.


	6. Chapter 6

**_3 Days Later_**

At least one of them was getting some sleep, she thought as she watched the slow rise and fall of his chest. She'd tossed and turned for a few hours before getting up and settling into the chair on the other side of the room. Finally, after giving up on sleep entirely, she went downstairs and made coffee.

Her mind was a plethora of thoughts and worries, each potential salutation came with consequences-some of them worse than the problem they attempted to solve.

She'd lied to him-no matter how she dressed it up...an omission of the truth was still a lie. He'd be angry with her for going back on her word, for calling his family when she'd made him a promise, but she'd deal with his anger any day over having to face the possibility of a future without him.

All that was left now was to hope and pray there was a match. She walked over to the crib, their sleeping baby girl lay there peaceful in her white sleeping gown. At only six months old, she already seemed like she'd been a part of their family forever. Watching her was like watching a miracle, an answer to prayer. She touched her arm lightly, as the little girl began to slightly fuss. It would soon be time to feed her. Billy usually gave her a bottle in the mornings, while he read to her from the paper. 'Their time', he called it, claiming the precious moments in the morning since she was often asleep by the time he made it home from the office at night.

She should make the bottle she thought to herself. This was just the beginning of the things that would soon have to change.

* * *

The bottle was warm in her hand as she climbed the stairs slowly. Her heart was heavy as she approached the door. Though she cherished every moment she got to spend with her baby girl, she hated that things were already beginning to shift. Her breath caught as she reached the doorway.

"Billy," she said, surprised to see him out of bed and cradling Charlotte in his arms.

"I was hoping you were getting some breakfast," he smiled. "I'm missing some very necessary parts."

She smiled at him, her heart swelling as she watched them.

"I can do that," she assured him as he settled into the rocker. She stepped closer to him. "I'm sure you're still wiped out."

"No way." Billy looked up at her briefly, then let his eyes fall back on his daughter. "I'm never too tired for this. Besides, we've missed a couple mornings lately, haven't we?" His smile brightened as Charlotte cooed and wriggled in his arms. "Yes, we have. We've got to play catch up."

He took the bottle from her hand and offered it to Charlotte smiling again as she happily took it and wrapped her entire hand around his finger.

Billy laughed softly, looking up at Phyllis. "You know, I can see how people end up having ten of these. They just make everything better."

"Yeah, they do." She stared down at him, stroking the baby's bare arm. "I wish we could keep her little like this forever."

"We'll just have to have a few more," Billy smiled, a twinkle in his eye.

Phyllis stopped. "Yeah," she whispered, backing up a bit. "I uh...I need to take care of a few things downstairs if you think you'll be ok here?"

"Sure. We'll be fine." Billy watched her as she stood up straight, and walked quickly towards the door. "Hey," he called out, stopping her just as she reached the doorway. "You ok?"

Phyllis took a breath, steadying herself, and turning back to face him. She smiled. "Fine," she whispered, blowing him a kiss and stepping out of the room.

She made it down the stairs, possibly faster than she ever had. Tears were now streaming down her face. In any other instance, she would have been happy to spend these moments with him, to watch him with their daughter, but now-in this moment, her own thoughts were too loud, too overwhelming. A lie was a lie was a lie-even if it was for all the right reasons.

* * *

She wiped at her eyes. This had to stop. Billy could come downstairs at any moment and if he couldn't see her like this. Sitting up straight, she ran her hands over her face one last time, taking a breath and smoothing her hair. Her cellphone brightened, the dark screen suddenly coming to life as the vibrations sent the phone shimmying across the glass coffee table. Phyllis reached down quickly, clutching the phone, closing her eyes in silent prayer as she answered.

"Hello?"

"Phyllis?" Jill's voice was tense, but the anger was gone. She was worried and exhausted. "I'm so sorry it's taken me so long to call but I was trying to get everyone's results together."

"It's fine, Jill...I understand." The words were sharper than she intended and she shook her head as she heard them. She didn't mean to be curt, but she didn't need to be placated. She didn't need apologies. She needed answers. "Did you find someone? Is there a match?"

There was a pause. She heard the tremor in Jill's breath and she felt her own eyes begin to burn. "Jill?"

"I'm not a match," Jill confirmed sadly. "Neither is Ashley and Traci has an incompatible blood type." She stopped then, waiting for the inevitable question.

Phyllis could hear the hesitation, the dread. "Jill?" Her stomach lurched. It was his brother. Jack was angry but he wouldn't refuse to help his own brother-not like this-not when his life was at stake. "What about Jack?"

"Almost perfect," Jill said quietly. "They said you couldn't ask for much better results." She heard the sigh of relief from the other line and, perhaps for the first time, she truly felt sorry for Phyllis. "Phyllis," she began...

It was something in the way she said it that told her she needed to brace herself.

"He said he'd do it, right?" He had to. What kind of person would get tested find out they were a match and then refuse to help. "Jack said he'd do it?"

"I don't know," Jill admitted.

"What the hell do you mean you don't know," she screamed, remembering suddenly that Billy was just upstairs and lowering her voice. "You were there, Jill. He either said he'd do or not. What did he say?"

"None of us were matches. No one expected him to be a match. He was the last one of us to test and I think he expected it to be no...I think he thought he'd test and it wouldn't match and he'd be done. Then, when it matched..."

"What?!"

"He left. He just got up and left. I've tried calling and he doesn't answer. It goes straight to voicemail. I've checked the office. I've called friends, business associates, Kyle, everyone...no one knows where he is. No one has heard from him."

Phyllis took a shaky breath. "Damn him," she hissed. She glanced towards the stairs as Billy's voice called to her. "Jill, I've got to go. If you hear from Jack... .."

"Of course," Jill replied, "And Phyllis...please look after my son."


	7. Chapter 7

Phyllis loaded the last dish into the dishwasher, closing the door softly and heading back into the living room. Today had been a good day-a normal day. Billy fed Charlotte, they spent the morning together, the three of them, just laying in bed, enjoying the simple pleasure of being a family. She loved watching Charlotte. Every day brought new experiences for her and seeing the joy in Billy's eyes as he watched their daughter was everything she'd ever dreamed of.

With Summer, there had been so much drama during this time that she'd never felt truly at peace to just enjoy these moments and Billy had missed many of these moments with Delia and Katie. Both of them looked at this as an opportunity to get it right this time.

And it would be. It could be. Except the man she loved, the father of the child she adored and cherished was slipping away from her. Even with the dialysis, she could see he was weak. He tried to smile and put on a brave face, but she could see the pain in his eyes ever time he sat up straight. Each time he laughed or took a deep breath she saw him wince and quickly try to cover. She watched him move the food across his plate to try and camouflage the fact that he wasn't eating. Even though it had been less than a week since the diagnosis, she could already see his face narrowing, his cheekbones becoming more prominent.

She'd warmed some soup for lunch and brought it to him. He'd eaten a few spoonfuls before claiming to be tired and she'd taken it away. They'd talked for a few minutes before his eyes started to droop and she'd taken Charlotte downstairs for a nap as well.

Now here she sat, watching her daughter in her bassinet as she thought about the morning and the minutia of her day. Dear God, she never realized how much she'd cherish such trivial things.

Phyllis turned her head, listening closely and standing to walk towards the window. She watched as a drove slowly past the driveway. Perhaps someone looking at the house next door, she thought. There had been a for sale sign there for the past few months. She shrugged and turned to walk back to the bassinet. She could stand and watch her for hours. How wonderful it must be to sleep without worries or thoughts.

A soft knock echoed through the room and Phyllis jumped. She turned quickly and headed to the door, glancing over her shoulder at Charlotte, hoping the sudden noise wouldn't wake her. She pulled the door open, a gust of cool wind entering the room before she could process the man standing before her.

"Jack," she breathed.

Minutes passed, though she wasn't sure how many, before she finally decided to speak. Her mouth opened, the cold air still pouring into the room. "It's cold out," she managed. "Would you like to come in?"

Jack stared at her. Would he like to come in? Over and over he'd thought about what he would say to her when he saw her again. His anger had ruled him for so long. When he'd found out the truth, he couldn't even look at her without thinking of what she'd done-of how she'd betrayed him, of all the lies she'd told. And him-with him it may have been worse. He was his brother. He was supposed to have his back no matter what-through everything. The only thing he had was his wife.

He'd spent the entire flight concocting conversations. In some of them he'd screamed at her, saying everything he wanted to say-getting it all out, every hurtful, hateful thing he'd thought of since she left. In others he'd been calm, more civil but just as brutal. He'd told her of what she'd done, how she'd hurt him, how she'd torn their entire family apart.

And now he was here, staring at her. He saw it in her eyes-the desperation, the fear, the pain. He'd wanted to come here and scream at her to cause her pain, to make her suffer, but looking at her now-she was already in pain...she was already suffering. His work was done.

"Jack," she said again. "Do you want to come in?"

He nodded, still not speaking, stepping slowly into the room. His lips curved into a smile. The place suited them. A brownstone, tasteful decorated, but nothing over the top-nothing like the Abbott mansion. A gas fireplace burned softly in the corner, the living room opened into a kitchen which looked immaculate. A sure sign very little cooking was occurring.

A small sound came from the white bassinet by the sofa. Jack stood still, not ready to face the reality of what he already knew. Phyllis opened her mouth to speak.

A noise from upstairs caused them both to jump, the seriousness of the moment weighing heavily on the air in the room. "I'm sorry," she said quickly. "Just let me go check on him," she said. She reached down, grabbing the baby monitor. "I'll just be a minute."

Jack nodded, stepping a few steps closer to the end of the sofa, listening as her footsteps faded as she headed up the stairs. He took a breath, his eyes moving towards the bassinet. Wide hazel eyes stared up at him, wary and curious. Her lips were slightly pursed as if she was considering whether to wail or smile. He reached down, his hand barely touching hers and she blinked, seemingly startled but the contact.

Her face scrunched up as she took a breath, readying herself for an all out fit. Jack looked back towards the stairs. Phyllis had enough to deal with. He sighed, reaching down and gathering the baby girl in his arms. To his surprise she stopped, calming and staring up at him again.

"Hi there," he said, easing into a slow bounce as he stepped around the sofa. "I don't believe we've met." He paused, realizing he didn't even know the child's name. Shame filled him. What his brother did had been a betrayal, but what he'd done-well, what had that accomplished. This child he held in his arms had done nothing to deserve his scorn. She deserved a happy life, a good life. She deserved a family.

Jack cleared his throat, his eyes full of tears when he realized his decision was suddenly very clear. "You deserve all good things, sweet girl and I'm going to make sure you get them. I'm going to do everything I can to make sure you have the family you deserve. Your Daddy's gonna watch you grow up and you're gonna make him proud."

"What did you say?"

Jack turned, now staring into the wide, green eyes of Phyllis who quickly descended the remaining stairs. "Do you mean? Are you going?" Tears streamed down her face and she couldn't continue. She looked at the baby in Jack's arms, the question still screaming from behind her eyes.

Jack nodded. "Yes," he said quietly. "I'll be the donor. I can't...". He looked down at the baby in his arms. "I can't..." He shrugged, not sure how to explain. "I don't know what to say."

"You don't have to say anything." Phyllis stepped forward, reaching out and taking Charlotte from his hands. "Jack, I can't thank you enough for this. I don't know what we would have...".

Jack shook his head. "I'm gonna get some air. I'll be back in a minute."

He shut the door behind him, walking through the fresh snow as quickly as possible. He stood away from the house, gasping as sobs escaped his lungs. How the hell did it still hurt this much?


	8. Chapter 8

Phyllis carefully brought the kettle into the living room, placing it on the trivet beside the two mugs and tea bags. She gently swayed with Charlotte nestled in the crook of her arm as she peered out the window. "Everything's fine," she whispered, looking down into her daughter's wide eyes. "He'll be back." Her eyes scanned the driveway again, her neck craned to see the small backyard. There was no sign of Jack. "Please God let him come back."

She sighed, walking back to the sofa and forcing herself to sit down. She could wear ruts into the flooring but it wouldn't bring Jack inside any faster. Her mind flashed to the image of Billy, kneeling on the floor, his eyes already full of apologies when she arrived at the doorway. He'd been determined to get out of bed on his own and retrieve the box of office files from the closet. The weight had been too much for him and he'd dropped them, causing the noise she'd heard and the panic that ensued.

Her heart broke for him as he insisted she help him back into bed and help him get the folders within reach. He would work for a few hours, he said. She was certain if she walked upstairs his eyes would be closed yet again. Most days she would have tried to get him downstairs, but not today. Today she needed this time

She heard the door open, the sound of shoes scraping on the mat. She turned, smiling at him. "I've got hot water for tea," she said softly, gesturing to the kettle.

Jack nodded as he removed his coat and hung it on the hook by the door. He watched as she poured the water into the mug, her hand trembling a bit as she moved the tea bag in the water. She held the cup out to him.

He took it, still standing. There was no protocol for this.

"You can sit, Jack. Please."

He nodded sharply and she watched as he took a quick sip from the cup before leaning forward and placing the cup back on the table in front of him.

Silence hung in the air. The awkwardness of the moment threatening to stifle them both. Neither knew what to say and the thought of speaking first, of perhaps saying the wrong thing was such a loaded, terrifying concept...

Charlotte cooed in her arms.

Jack's face softened, his eyes moving towards her. "What's her name?"

"Charlotte...We thought about using something significant-something from the family, but we both liked Charlotte so we just decided to go with it. We used Avery as a middle name after my sister."

Jack nodded, his eyes still fixated on the baby girl. His eyes burned slightly as he felt the tears build. He swallowed hard.

"You wanna hold her?" She hadn't missed the look in his eyes when she walked down the steps. She'd heard the soft tone in his voice when he spoke to her daughter and now she saw the sheen in his eyes-a sure sign he was fighting his own emotions. No need to wait for the answer, she thought, as she gently passed the baby over to him.

He held her comfortably, naturally-a slight smile playing on his face. "She's beautiful," he whispered, glancing over at Phyllis for a brief moment.

For a second, she saw a man that didn't hate her, that didn't want to punish her, that didn't think every choice she made was a ploy to torment him. She saw hope-even if only for a second. "Thank you," she whispered.

"You know, it's funny...she's really calm with you. She's normally not good with strangers." The word hung in the air. She wanted to grab it, to pull it back, to rewind the moment and keep herself from saying it. The look in his eyes made it clear that he'd heard, that he'd processed...

"I mean...not that you're a stranger...I just meant..."

"It's ok, Phyllis. I'm a stranger. I'm a stranger to her. Hell until today I didn't even know her name." He shook his head. "She's my niece and I didn't even know her name. Who does that? What does that say about me?"

"You were hurt, Jack. We all said things. We all did things. The important thing is that we've still got time to fix them. You're here now. You're holding your niece and you can save your brother's life."

"I want to see him." His eyes were more serious now. "I want to talk to him. To be honest I'm surprised he even wanted you to call us-after the way we left things."

Jack watched as Phyllis sat silent, the expression on her face was one he'd seen many times before. "Phyllis, Billy doesn't know that I'm here, does he?"

"Jack"

"Did he tell you not to call?" She was silent, averting her eyes. "Phyllis!"

She stood, reaching for Charlotte and placing her back in her bassinet. "Please keep your voice down." She drew in a shaky breath before sitting down again. "Yes, ok, yes. He did ask me not to call the family yet. He wanted me to wait until we had no other options, but I couldn't watch him like this."

"It's just us here, and I love this. I love our life, but these past few days have been hell. I can't be the strong one all the time. I can't fall apart because he needs me to be strong, so I'm strong for him and Im strong for Charlotte. I'm strong at the hospital and at the dialysis clinic. I take all the notes and I check all the medications and at the end of the day when I'm exhausted and scared, there's nobody here to be strong for me."

"I couldn't keep the promise I made to him because I couldn't live with the possible consequences. I can't sit back and let him get worse when I knew there was a chance we could stop it. If that makes me a liar, I am. If it makes me selfish, I am. If it makes me weak, I am. I'll gladly admit to all those things and more if it means Billy comes out of this."

Her heart pounded in her chest as if she'd just completed a campaign speech. She looked at Jack who, although silent, had not yet taken his eyes off hers.

"Are you just gonna stare at me?" She said finally, the silence disturbing her.

Jack shook his head, her voice waking him from the abyss of his own thoughts. "I don't think I ever really thought it was real."

"What?"

"You and my brother. I mean I knew there was a thing, a connection, a flirtation, but I never thought it was anything serious...anything deep...meaningful.." He stared at her for another moment before continuing. "But you love him. You really love him." He shook his head, slowly rising to his feet.

"I'm going to go see my brother now."

Phyllis watched quietly as he took deliberate steps towards the stairs. He paused at the bottom, looking back over his shoulder and raising his eyebrows-an unspoken, but obvious invitation to join. She stood quickly, climbing the stairs behind him.


	9. Chapter 9

Phyllis headed up the stairs behind him. Jack stopped at the top, looking back at her.

"Can I just?" Phyllis gestured to the door, the one that remained just slightly open. "Could you just listen out for Charlotte?"

Jack nodded. "I'll wait here."

Phyllis stepped inside, sighing as she saw his head bob in reaction to the noise. "Why don't you let me put those up so you can get some rest?"

Billy sighed in frustration. "It's ridiculous. I can't even do a few hours of work."

"Honey, you'll build your strength back really soon. It's just the dialysis treatments. They warned us the fatigue would be really bad at first." She picked up a stack of files, placing them on the floor beside the bed. "Listen," she said softly, "I actually need to talk to you about something."

Billy looked at her intently. "This sounds kind of serious. Did the doctor call back with more news?"

"No. It's not about the doctor. It's not anything he said. It's more about me...something I did."

Billy watched her as she spoke. "Okay. Well, I'm sure whatever it is we can...". He stopped. The look on her face wasn't guilt or even concern...it was almost relief.

"Phyllis," he began, "What did you do." His face changed, suddenly realizing exactly what she'd come in here to tell him.

"Billy, please understand. I didn't do this to hurt you and I never wanted to lie to you, but I couldn't let you get worse. I couldn't sit back and...". She began to cry as she reached for his hand.

"Hey...come on...don't cry..please don't cry." Billy touched her face, wiping away the tears. He sighed. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have asked you to do that. It wasn't fair. I get why you had to call my family. I guess it can't hurt to have them at least get tested."

"Actually," she began, "they've already been tested and there's a match."

Billy brightened a bit, seeing the hope on her face as she spoke.

"A match?' He asked. "You already know?"

"I do," she smiled. "And he's here." She stood, walking to the door and pulling it open.

Jack stepped into the room, a heavy silence entering the room with him. Phyllis looked between the two men. "I've got to go check on Charlotte," she said quietly. "I'll give you two some time alone."

Phyllis walked out the room and down the stairs. She gathered Charlotte in her arms and sat down on the sofa. The feel of her daughter in her arms made everything better. "Oh sweet girl," she whispered, placing a gentle kiss on her forehead, "I hope this works."

* * *

Jack stood by the door, his eyes fixed on Billy. HIs stomach turned as he looked at him. Jill had warned him that Billy was ill but nothing could have prepared him for this-the weight loss, the pasty white skin, the labored breaths.

"You actually gonna come in?" Billy asked.

Jack took a few hesitant steps, still unsure of what to do or say.

"Phyllis said you were a match."

Jack nodded. "Apparently."

Billy sat silent for a moment. "I'm sure that wasn't the news you wanted."

Jack felt the breath catch in his throat. "Why would you say that?"

"Come on, Jack. My kidneys are failing, but my memory is just fine. The last time we spoke you weren't exactly happy with me. You weren't willing to talk to me. You didn't even want to be in the same room with me. You certainly didn't want to help me."

"Right," Jack said solemnly, "I remember."

"So, I can imagine you weren't exactly thrilled to find out you were a match for my transplant. In fact, the only bright spot of this whole thing for you is probably this...".

"This?" Jack stared at him, confused.

"Jack...". Billy sighed, exasperated. "You hate me and I get it but coming here like this now...it's low...its cruel. No matter what I did, I would never do something like this to you."

"Billy, what exactly do you think I came here to tell you?"

"I imagine you want me to know that I didn't win the war, that even though I have Phyllis, and a baby girl, and a life here, that it can all be gone, and that even though you could singlehandedly give me a chance to live the life I dreamed of living with them, you're not going to do it...because I don't deserve it. This is your best shot at getting back at me and Phyllis, right? The ultimate screw you."

The words echoed in the silence for what seemed like an eternity.

He wanted to be offended, to be completely disgusted that his own brother would think something so heinous about him, but in his soul he couldn't-because the things Billy said-as awful and horrible as they were, they had been his first thoughts, his initial reaction, the real and unvarnished truth.

He got on that plane today to come here and talk. His head knew donating to his brother was the decent thing to do, but his heart was still in pieces.

Phyllis' face at the door had done nothing but further confuse him, instantaneously conjuring up images of their last conversation.

As he stood here, staring at his brother now, he knew what had changed, he remembered the moment his heart had shifted. It had happened the second he held Charlotte in his arms.

It was the way she looked up at him, the trust in her eyes. She didn't know him to be spiteful or vindictive or angry-she just knew the man who held her and gently bounced her in his arms. The man that had whispered promises to her-promises he'd keep...no matter what.

"You're right, Billy," Jack said. "When I first found out that I was the match, I had no intention of helping you. Even when I got on that plane today, I didn't know what I was going to do, but I knocked on your door and walked in this house and I held your little girl."

He shook his head, the memories flooding his mind.

"I'm not doing this for you, or for Phyllis, or even for me. I'm doing this for that beautiful, precious little girl downstairs that didn't ask for any of this. She deserves to have a father and no matter what I think about you, Billy, you're a damn good father. You love your kids and you'll love and protect her."

Billy was quiet for a moment. "I don't know what to say, Jack. Thank you seems unbelievably inadequate."

"Don't thank me," Jack said quietly. "You and I may never be ok again and I don't know what the future holds for our relationship, but I do know that your daughter deserves a chance at a family and I'm going to make sure she gets that."

With that, Jack nodded and walked quickly from the room.

* * *

Phyllis stood up as she heard footsteps on the stairs. Charlotte's wide eyes followed the motion.

"Everything ok?," she asked hesitantly?

"It's fine," Jack responded. He reached into his pocked, turning over a business card and scribbling some information onto it. "Here's the name of the hotel where I'm staying and you have my cell number. You talk to the doctor, find out what I need to do and when I need to do it. Let me know and I"ll be there."

Phyllis took the card, a relieved sigh escaping her lungs. "Thank you," she whispered. "Jack, really. I don't know what else to say to you except thank you."

"Please," he held up his hand. "Don't."

He reached out, gently touching Charlotte's soft cheek. She wriggled and smiled, her big eyes blinking up at him.

He stared down at her, smiling slightly. "You just take care of her," he whispered, before walking out the door.


	10. Chapter 10

Jill sat quietly in the uncomfortable chair. "You know you'd think they could make these chairs more comfortable since they know people will be spending hours in them."

Ashley gave her a small smile, not wanting to disturb Abby who'd fallen asleep with her head on her shoulder.

"Yeah," Summer said quietly, "they certainly don't help much do they?" She looked at Jill and then over at her mother. "Mom?"

Phyllis turned to face them, "I'm sorry, honey, did you say something?"

Summer sighed. "We were just talking about how uncomfortable these chairs were and how awful it is they put them in a waiting room." She flashed a bright smile for her mother.

"Right." Phyllis whispered, her voice distant.

"Not that you would know." Jill stood, walking over to her, You've done nothing but pace the floor for the past three hours. Why don't you come sit down?"

"I can't," she said, her voice shaking, the fragile grip she had on her composure already starting to slip. "They told us Jack was in recovery hours ago. It shouldn't be taking this long. I don't understand why no one is coming out to talk to us."

"Mom," Summer said softly, "I'm sure they'll come as soon as they know something."

As if on cue, the double doors opened. A nurse wearing surgical scrubs stood there. "Family of Billy Abbott," she called out.

Phyllis and Jill both rushed to her.

"Is he ok?" Phyllis asked, her voice strained with worry.

"Does he have any history of blood disorders, Mrs. Abbott?"

Phyllis looked at Jill, her heart already beginning to pound.

"No," Jill said quickly, "Nothing that I'm aware of. What's going on? Is my son ok?"

"We're doing everything we can," the nurse said politely. "We just had some issues controlling his bleeding, but it seems to be under control at the moment. Barring any unforeseen complications, he'll be transferred to recovery within the hour and he'll be up for a quick visit before long. The doctor will be out to speak with you soon."

The nurse walked away as Phyllis felt her legs give way beneath her.

"Phyllis," Jill called out, grabbing her arm and gesturing for Summer to grab a chair.

Summer pushed the chair up behind her gently as they eased her into it. Her head bobbed for a moment, her face still white.

"I'm gonna get her some water," Summer said, stepping over the water system in the corner.

"When's the last time you had something you eat?" Jill asked, the concern in her voice sounding entirely foreign.

"Please, Jill, you can drop the act. Billy's not even here to see the performance." Jill had made her feelings about their relationship very clear. She still remembered the look on Billy's face the night he'd called his mother to tell him that she was going to be a grandmother again. Billy had been so sure that the news would be the breaking point for her-the moment she realized it wasn't worth it to keep up her ridiculous feud, but she hadn't. Instead she'd told him how sorry she was that her grandchild would grow up without an extended family and that she hoped Billy was prepared to answer all the questions about that one day.

That had broken him-maybe more than anything ever had.

"This isn't a performance, Phyllis. I know you're worried about my son. I can respect that. You obviously care about him and he cares about you. I know it took a lot for you to call me-to ask me for anything, so I'm putting all my judgment and animosity aside for the moment."

"Really?" Phyllis took a breath, desperately trying to quell the wave of nausea that spread throughout her body, "Just like that?"

"We're both adults. We both love Billy. We both want what's best for him. He would want me to make sure you're ok. That's the least I can do for him right now." Jill waited for her snarky comment or protest and was surprised by her silence.

Another breath, the nausea now feeling more like pain, the kind that started as a dull ache and grew and grew... "No.." Phyllis replied, trying to keep her voice steady, "no thank you. I'm really not hungry."

Jill sighed, "Alright then," she said, "if you don't want anything you eat, what about some coffee? The stuff in the cafeteria isn't gourmet by any stretch, but it's caffeine..."

She moved to stand from her kneeling position in front of the chair and felt Phyllis' hand grip her arm like a vice. "Wait, please."

Jill stopped, looking at Phyllis' face, her eyes suddenly full of concern. "Phyllis? What is it? What's wrong?"

"Nothing. I'm sorry it's nothing." Pain ripped through her body again and drew in a sharp breath in spite of herself.

"Phyllis for God's sake! What's the matter?" Jill now stood beside her, her hand resting on her arm.

She looked up at her. This was never the person she wanted to need, but she had no choice. "Please get a doctor, Jill."

* * *

How's he doing?" the nurse asked, her eyes gathering a lot from the concerned look on the surgical tech's face.

"There's still bleeding-it's coming from somewhere...we just can't seem to pinpoint where. We could go back in, but that opens up to infection risk. It's possible that he's just slow to clot, but if that's not it and it's just a slow bleed..."

"What about the vitals?"

"Just within limits..blood pressure especially low. I'm thinking that's why he's still out. He's not gonna regain consciousness with a pressure that low."

"What does Dr. Singh say?"

The tech shook his head. "He's in the room now, looking over his charts, making sure there isn't anything he might have missed..,something that might explain this. Otherwise..."

The nurse sighed as she finished the thought, "otherwise he's got to go tell a family this might not be the life saving transplant they'd all hoped for."


	11. Chapter 11

"I'll be fine, sweetheart." Phyllis leaned back against the thin pillow, forcing a small smile. "I'm sure the doctor will be in here in a minute to tell me I've worried myself into an ulcer or I'm stressed or something." She took a deep breath, trying desperately to believe her own pep talk. "Can you go check on Billy for me, please?"

Summer hesitated, "Mom, No. I don't want to leave you in here alone. Jill, Ashley, and Abby are all out there with Billy. They'll let us know if anything changes."

"Summer, please!" Phyllis took in a deep breath. The pain was getting more difficult to ignore and almost impossible to hide. "I'm sorry. I don't mean to snap. It's just...you said you wanted to help. You asked what you could do for me and this is it. Check on Billy for me, please...just make sure he's ok."

"Alright," Summer sighed. "I'll go, but I'll be right back, ok?"

Phyllis nodded and smiled as she watched her daughter leave the room. Quickly she grabbed the patient alert, pressing the nurse button repeatedly.

The nurse appeared quickly.

Phyllis sat up, the pain still present, "Could you please ask the doctor to come in now? I know everyone is busy, but I really need to see the doctor while no one is with me. I need to discuss a private matter." She looked at the nurse intently, her eyes pleading, "Please..".

The nurse nodded, sensing the urgency of the situation. "I'll see what I can do."

She allowed herself to relax a little, grateful for the momentary reprieve from pain. "Oh, thank goodness," she whispered, opening her eyes, "I was hoping..." She stopped, her eyes staring into Jill's as she stood in front of her.

"Jill?" Phyllis struggled to sit up, fear suddenly gripping her heart. "Is it Billy? Is there news? Is he ok?"

"It's not Billy," Jill said, her eyes now oddly compassionate as she approached the bed. "He's still in surgery. No word yet. They said we can see him as soon as he's stable enough to move to recovery. I did get an update on Jack though and he's doing well."

She saw Phyllis relax.

"Thank God," she whispered. If anything happened to Billy-especially now-when she couldn't be there, she'd never forgive herself. "So why are you here then? I mean I thought you'd be out there...waiting for word."

"I told Summer to come get me if anything changed," Jill replied, her tone matter of fact. "I needed to come in here..to talk to you."

"Jill, I agree. We need to talk. There are a lot of things we need to work out, things that could make things better for all of us, but now really isn't the time to be having this...".

"Why did you ask Summer to leave the room, Phyllis?" Jill's eyes stared at her, her suspicions clearly visible.

"I needed her to check on Billy. I didn't kick her out." Her tone was defensive.

"So you weren't trying to get her out of the room so you could talk to the doctor without her here?"

Phyllis grew quiet for a moment. "Is that what she thinks? Did she tell you that?"

"She said it was clear you didn't want her in here."

"That isn't want I said. That's not what I meant. Where is she? I should apologize. Could you go get her for me please?"

"And now you're doing it to me." Jill took a seat, pulling the chair as close to the bed as possible. "Listen, I know all about trying to sidestep the issue to cover up the truth. I've done what you're doing. Hell, I invented what you're doing. You might be able to convince everyone in that waiting room that you're this worked up just because of Billy...".

"How dare you!" Hot tears streamed down her face instantaneously. "Of course I'm concerned about Billy. I love him. The thought of anything happening to him...".

Jill stared at the bed, her body frozen for a moment, "Phyllis," she whispered, reaching her hand out to touch her arm, "Phyllis." She pointed to the sheet, the crisp, white fabric now streaked with crimson.

The look on her face answered her question.

"I'll get the doctor," Jill said, standing and quickly rushing from the room.

* * *

Jill stood outside the door. This was a strange sensation-worrying about Phyllis. In the past, she had never cared what Phyllis thought about anyone or anything, but suddenly, and certainly without her approval, she had become an important part of her son's life.

Billy needed her. He was in a room fighting a battle of his own and she wasn't sure if he would have the strength to fight it without Phyllis in his life.

"Family of Billy Abbott," the nurse called.

Jill stepped forward. Ashley and Abby had walked downstairs for coffee and she stood here alone. "I'm his mother," she said, putting on her best brave face.

"The doctor would like to speak with you," she replied.

Jill looked at her, desperately attempting to discern anything from her expression. She wondered if nurses were instructed to keep their faces so stern-no smiles, no indication of the type of news their patients were about to receive.

"Of course," Jill managed, following as she was ushered into a small room. The room was private and the sight of it immediately conjured up images in her mind of every medical show she'd ever seen-the way the doctor would sit across from the family member, deliver the news, the way the family member would crumble to the floor-how the privacy of the room gave them dignity-respect.

Jill shook her head as she saw the doctor walk in. She shook his hand as he offered it. And so it began.

* * *

She stood for a moment fixing her face as women had been instructed to do for years. The last thing she wanted was for her son to see the real fear in her eyes. The doctor had been honest, realistic, but above all abundantly clear in emphasizing how serious it was to keep Billy's spirits up.

She took a breath, stepping into the room. Billy's eyes opened slowly and she thought she detected a small semblance of disappointment in his eyes.

"Hi sweetheart," she whispered, sitting down next to him.

"Mom," Billy managed, his throat immediately closing up. He struggled to sit up.

"No, honey. You can't sit up just yet." Jill gently pressed down on his chest.

"Where...". He stopped, licking his lips, the energy required to speak was enormous. "Where is she?"

She knew who he was asking for without even hearing her name, yet she had no idea what to say or how to calm his worries. "She'll be here."

Billy's face contorted in a mix of discomfort and concern.

"Now," he groaned.

Jill sighed, forcing another smile, "I can't spend a few minutes alone with my son, first?"

It took everything he had-all the strength he could muster, but he squeezed her hand with all his might. "Now," he whispered again, his voice desperate, his eyes pleading with her, "Please."

"Ok," she whispered. "Let me check, ok?"

She leaned down, kissing his forehead, silently praying she was not going to have to disappoint her son this time.


	12. Chapter 12

Jill knocked softly on the now closed door to Phyllis' room. She could see her lying in the bed, and saw her look up as she heard the sound. Her stomach lurched as she saw her wipe her eyes and motion her inside.

"Phyllis?" Jill's voice was tentative as she walked inside. "Did you see the doctor?"

Phyllis struggled to sit up straight. She willed her eyes to dry and silently commanded herself to compose herself. "Yeah, he came in."

The silence in the room grew more awkward as Jill waited on her to elaborate. "Are you ok?" Jill looked at her, not certain she wanted the answer, but knowing she had to ask, if not for her, then for her son. The son that was waiting down the hall, the son that needed to see her…

It was the shaky breath that answered the question and suddenly Jill's heart broke for her.

"I guess there's no point in not telling you," Phyllis said quietly. "I'm pregnant….at least I was..or…I don't know..I…" Her voice broke as she felt tears building in her eyes again and she lifted her hand to wipe them away.

"Here." Jill's voice was soft and compassionate, her tone so unlike the one she'd used so many times before with her. Gone was the condemnation and accusatory judgment. "Is the baby? Did you…" She shook her head.

"I don't know," she breathed. "They've got the OB on call coming in to do an ultrasound to see if they can find a heartbeat." Phyllis looked up at Jill, finding some strange sort of comfort in her presence. "They told me it could just be stress and told me not to worry, but this feels different and I'm scared."

Jill nodded. She took her hand, "I know it's hard to stay positive..God knows I've heard those words so many times myself, but you have to try."

Phyllis stared at her for a moment. "Why are you here? Why are you being nice to me? I know you never wanted me with Billy. I know you never wanted us to have a family?"

"It's not about that," Jill said quietly, "Not anymore. My son loves you and you love him. You two have a family…a daughter. I have a grandchild that I've never met. My decision not to support the two of you has cost me months with my son and my grandchild and now…" Her voice trailed off, the thought of her son in that bed, fighting for his life…

"Now what?" Phyllis felt her breath coming faster. "Now what, Jill? Did you find out something about Billy? Is there something wrong with him?"

"Calm down." Jill took a breath. "I talked with the doctor." She paused for a moment. How was she supposed to do this? How was she supposed to tell the woman something like this when she was laying in a bed waiting to find out if her child was alive?

"Jill, dammit…if you don't tell me, I will get out of this bed and go find out myself!" Phyllis threw back the covers and threw her legs off the side of the bed. She felt Jill's hand on her shoulder.

"I'll tell you," she said quietly, "but you have to promise me that you'll try to stay calm. I need you to be okay. Billy needs you to be okay."

"You're scaring me now," Phyllis said, her voice strained with worry.

"The doctor was honest, very straightforward. Billy is experiencing some issues that could be indicative of rejection. There's been some bleeding and some indications that the kidney isn't functioning as well or as quickly as they would like it to." She immediately saw Phyllis' face fall. "But," she continued, trying to lighten her voice, "He said that sometimes it just takes time. There are some cases in which these things turn around on their own and they don't need to do anything else. "

Phyllis took a deep breath. "Ok, so then what do we do? Just wait?"

"We wait and we keep his spirits up. We talk to him. We keep him positive. We give him something to fight for. We show him everything he has to fight for." Jill locked eyes with her. "He wants to see you."

"Then I'll go," Phyllis spoke without hesitation, already moving to stand again.

"You're not going anywhere," Jill said firmly. "You've got to take care of yourself. The doctor has to check on you and this baby. I know my son and if he had any idea what was going here, he'd want me to make sure you're ok. That would be his first priority."

Phyllis sighed. In her heart, she knew Jill was right, but it killed her knowing Billy was asking for her and she couldn't go to him. "I can think of something that might bolster his spirits," she said quietly, "but I'll need your help."

"Absolutely," Jill replied. "I'll do anything."

* * *

"Hi there!" Phyllis couldn't help but smile as Charlotte reached out her arms towards her. She breathed in the smell of baby lotion as she held her close to her. "I'm sorry to ask you to bring her here this late," she said to the sitter. "It's just we needed to make sure she could see her Daddy. You don't have to wait. Someone here can watch here. You brought her bag and supplies, right?"

The sitter nodded, pointing to the bags in the corner of the room.

"Thank you," Phyllis said, her attention immediately turning back to Charlotte. Her eyes were still remarkably wide for the late hour. "I'm surprised you aren't sleepy," she whispered. "You're just like your Mommy. Can't stand to miss the action."

Phyllis glanced up at the sound of the door, expecting to see the sitter returning having forgotten something. Instead Jill stood there, "Billy's still awake…I just check…" She stopped short, freezing in the doorway.

"You want to meet your granddaughter?" Phyllis said quietly.

She wasn't a crier, at least not usually. She recalled watching movies in which others sobbed their hearts out with little more than a shrug. It seemed to her that she'd experienced enough tragedy in life that she'd used up all her tears, but as she stared at this little girl, with hazel eyes that reminded her so much of Billy's, she realized she still had a few more left.

Phyllis smiled, her own eyes burning a bit as she watched a woman who at times seemed to have a heart of stone turn to absolute mush at the sight of a sweet baby girl.

"What's her name?" Jill managed, her voice raspy.

"Charlotte," Phyllis whispered, laughing a bit as Charlotte turned her head to look at her.

Jill nodded, taking a breath and extending her hands. "You wanna come see me for a bit?"

Charlotte hesitated, as if considering her options.

"I don't think she wants to leave you yet," Jill said quickly. "Maybe I should wait until she's had some time to get to know me."

"Jill," Phyllis looked at her. "It's okay. You're here now." She pushed Charlotte towards her, breathing a sigh of relief as she saw Charlotte's eyes fall on Jill's necklace.

Jill noticed too. "You like this, huh?" She reached for her, this time Charlotte eagerly extending her arms and allowing herself to be lifted and held. Jill sighed, feeling the tiny hands grabbing at her neck. She pressed a kiss to her forehead. "You and I have a lot of lost time to make up for," she whispered, "but I promise..we will."


	13. Chapter 13

Shhh," Jill gently bounced the baby as she walked her up and down the small hallway. "Come on, sweetheart," she whispered. "I can't bring you in to see your Daddy like this, right? You're supposed to cheer him up."

Charlotte continued to wail, her hazel eyes wide as she stared up at Jill with big crocodile tears spilling onto her cheeks. Her bottom lip quivered as she drew in a deep breath, preparing for another gut wrenching scream.

Jill adjusted her in her arms, turning her to face her. "I know...I want to cry too." She clenched her eyes shut tight and faked dramatic sobs. Suddenly, even if only for a moment Charlotte stilled. She opened her eyes, surprised to see the hazel eyes now wide and staring at her. "Well, then...look at you."

She let the breath leave her body. It felt as if it had been holding her breath for days now. Each time the door to the hospital corridor opened, her heart would skip a beat. She was terrified of losing her son even though she'd basically lost him already. This was different. This would be final. There would be no second chances. No opportunities for her to call him up and tell him she still loved him and that she was sorry. To lose him now, after the way she'd let things go-it was unthinkable.

Charlotte batted her tiny feet against her hip as if to remind her of her presence. Jill looked at her again, still in awe of this perfect little girl she only just met...but whose fault was that? Jill walked over to a chair in the corner of the room. "Before we go in and see your Daddy, there's a few things I want to tell you."

"I know you don't know me and it must be scary to be around all these people you don't know. We're all acting like we know you, huh? But you've never seen us before?" Jill sighed, the guilt still weighing heavy on her heart. "I want you to know that's not your fault. None of this is your fault. We were being stubborn, silly grow ups and we let things that didn't matter cost us the chance to see you being born. We lost all these months with you. I didn't get to buy you all the pretty pink sleepers and decorate your nursery. I haven't rocked you to sleep or read you a story or sang to you...though you might actually be glad about that. But that's what I want to tell you-that's all going to change now, ok? You've got a whole lot of people that love you and I promise you,

I will be here to watch you grow up. I'll be here to love you and support you. I know I wasn't here before, but I'm here now, ok?"

Charlotte stared up at her, her eyes blinking slowly. She barely made a sound as Jill spoke, as if she somehow understand the importance of the conversation. Jill smiled as she looked at her. "Now, you and I have a job to do. We've got to go see your Daddy and remind him of everything he's got in his life, of all the reasons he's got to fight to get home."

* * *

She tried not to be alarmed when the nurses didn't insist upon gowns and masks. Maybe it was because he was out of danger. She couldn't allow herself to consider it could be because they knew it was impossible to prevent-that with Billy's immune system already so compromised there was no protect him for germs, let alone treat him for anything he might come in contact with.

"Billy?" She tried not to let the fear come through in her voice. It was frightening how much he'd changed since she'd seen him last. His hands were cold and clammy and his eyes were puffy and swollen. The nurse explained it was fluid retention, a result of the delayed kidney function. She had tried to be positive, spouting stories of how other patients had gone this long "some even longer" without working transplanted organs and they still eventually functioned, but the look in her eyes told the real truth.

"Billy," she said again. Slowly his eyes opened, his lips attempting to curve into a small smile. They were dry and cracked and the effort caused him to wince slightly. Jill swallowed hard. She'd promised herself-no tears, not in front of him. "I brought someone here to see you."

Bill breathed a little louder. "You did?" He said quietly, trying to open his eyes wider do he could look around. She saw the look in his eyes when he saw her. The swift and immediate rebound. "Charlotte'" he sighed, his eyes going back to hers. "You met her? You're holding her?"

Jill nodded. "She's beautiful, sweetheart. Absolutely beautiful."

"Yeah," Billy whispered, his voice almost too raspy and weak to speak. He struggled to clear his throat. "Like her Mom." He closed his eyes for a moment. "Where is she?"

"She'll be here in just a little bit." She saw the relief on his face and she hoped she didn't just lie to her son-especially not in a moment like this. She hadn't wanted to leave Phyllis alone, but she'd insisted, demanding she take Charlotte to see Billy, assuring her she'd be fine alone when the doctor came.

Jill knew her real motivation. She knew because she saw it in herself. Vulnerability was a weakness. It's what she'd always been taught. They beat it into you. She didn't want witnesses if she broke down. Her dignity meant too much.

"She actually arranged for Charlotte to come up here. She knew you'd want to see her."

Billy didn't answer. Instead, he nodded, his head slowly bobbing up and down.

"Billy?" Jill leaned in closer to him, her heart beginning to pound, the familiar sense of dread settling in at the pit of her stomach. "Sweetheart!" She screamed. Charlotte began to wail, the tone of the room immediately upsetting her.

"I'm gonna need you to wait outside," one of the nurses said as she gently put her hands on her shoulders and pushed her back.

"But he's my son," Jill protested. "I just need to know that he's alright. I just need to know he's ok." He words echoed through the corridor as she watched the door shit in front of her yet again.


	14. Chapter 14

"Jill?" Ashley walked up quickly behind her, noting the expression on her face. "What's the matter?"

"I was just in there with him and they told me to leave…they pushed me out." She looked up at Ashley, her eyes wide in desperation and fear. "I don't know what's going on…they didn't tell me anything. They just pushed me out."

Ashley put her hand on her shoulder. "Ok. I'm sure he's ok…the doctors are gonna take care of him…" Her voice grew softer as she looked over to the little girl who leaned against Jill's chest. "That's?" She gestured to Charlotte, who now simply snubbed while clinging to Jill's necklace.

"Oh," Jill looked down at her big eyes, still wet with tears. She touched her face. "I'm sorry baby," she whispered. "You're ok." She shifted her in her arms, placing her closer to Ashley and Abby. "This is Charlotte," she said softly.

"She has his eyes," Ashley said quietly. "May I?"

"Of course." Jill gently passed the baby over to Ashley. Charlotte quietly fussed for a moment, her wide eyes staring into the face of yet another stranger.

Ashley smiled at her. "Hi there." Charlotte rubbed her face, her eyes drooping a little as she looked up at her. "I think someone's a little sleepy." She looked back at Jill. "Where's Phyllis?"

Phyllis. Jill took a breath. Someone had to tell her. "She's…I need to.."

"Jill.."

Jill turned quickly, surprised to see Phyllis standing behind her.

"Jill what are you doing out here? I thought you were taking Charlotte in to see Billy?"

It was in the way she took the first slow step towards her. Either that or the look on her face, but somehow she knew. She knew before Jill ever said a word. She knew it was bad. "Jill?" she repeated, her voice shaking this time.

"Why don't you sit down?" Jill gently suggested, gesturing to a grouping of chairs in the corner.

"I don't want to sit down. I want you to tell me what the hell is going on."

"The truth is I don't know. I was in there with Billy and Charlotte and we were talking and he…." She stopped, reliving the moment.

"He what…" She was certain her mind could conjure up scenarios far worse than any truth could ever be…or at least she hoped to God it could.

"It's like he was unconscious or something." She watched as Phyllis crumbled in front of her. Her hand immediately reached out to her. "The nurses were there immediately though, ok? They had me come outside so they could take care of them. I just don't know anything else yet."

"So he's in there? He's in there alone?" The thought of him in that room with doctors and nurses poking and prodding him, it made her sick inside. It was easier when she knew he was under anesthesia, when she knew he was having surgery and would be completely unaware of what was going on, but now… What if he knew what was happening? What if he realized he was alone? What if he wanted her there? What if he didn't understand why she wasn't? What if he was scared?

"I have to be in there with him," she said, moving to stand.

"You can't," Jill protested. "They pushed me out of the room. You have to wait. They need time to help him. You've got to let them do their job."

Tears streamed down her face. She looked up at Jill. "You just don't want me to be in there with him, do you? You want to be with him. You want it to just be you."

"No, Phyllis." She dropped her head. She couldn't fault her for thinking that way. If the situation was reversed, she would probably assume the same thing. "I swear this isn't about that. Look, I'll admit you and my son weren't my first choice for each other, but this works for the two of you. You love each other and you have a beautiful little girl." One look at Phyllis and she could tell she wasn't convinced. The fear and anger that played across her face was as fresh as it had been when she left Genoa City.

"Do you know what he asked me every single time I've gone in there?" Jill asked.

"What?"

"He asked where you were. You are the only person he wants to see. Billy needs something to fight for and that something is you. He's not fighting for me. He's fighting to come home to you and that little girl."

Phyllis nodded. "Thank you," she replied softly.

Jill glanced over in the corner where Ashley and Abby stood still wrapped up in Charlotte. "I think your little one over there is forming quite the fan club."

"She's good at that," she sighed. "She loves him so much, Jill. She lights up when she hears his voice..and that smile when she sees him."

"It's going to be ok. He's going to come home to you and Charlotte. He's going to be there to watch that little girl grow." Jill paused, looking at Phyllis. "I… I mean you obviously don't have to tell me anything but.."

Phyllis nodded, taking a breath. "There's a heartbeat," she said softly. "The doctor said everything looks normal and that it's not uncommon to experience some cramping and spotting in early pregnancy especially in times of stress….and if this isn't stressful…I don't know what is."

The doctor suddenly emerged from behind the double doors and both Jill and Phyllis stood to meet him.

"Billy Abbott family?" he said, his tone serious.

"Yes," Phyllis said, her voice clearly shaking as she reached to take Charlotte from Ashley. She pulled her daughter close to her, pressing her lips to her forehead.

"Why don't we step in here?" He gestured to a small room near the waiting area where there was a door that closed. They all gathered inside, no one wanting to speak first.

The doctor took a seat, looking at Phyllis who cradled Charlotte in her arms. He sighed, his eyes now softer. "This is the hardest part about being a doctor," he began.

* * *

Phyllis stepped into the room slowly. For nearly ten minutes she'd stood by the door trying to mentally prepare herself for what she'd see when she walked inside. It hadn't helped. The sight of Billy hooked up to all these tubes nearly brought her to her knees. There was a split second where she considered simply walking out, refusing to acknowledge the reality, refusing to see him like that, but then she remembered the little girl she'd just handed over to Ashley—the one that was now going to visit her Uncle Jack. She was going to help him receive this news and Phyllis needed this time. This was the one chance she had to say what needed to be said.

She saw the small rolling chair by the table. The metal was cold to the touch as she gripped the edge and moved it towards the side of the bed. Fitting, she thought to herself. This entire room was cold—as if things and people came here to have the life sucked out of them. She took a seat, reaching out to touch him, the stillness of him disturbing her. His skin had always felt so warm beneath hers and now he felt so cold.

"Billy," she whispered. She waited. In some way she'd almost expected him to respond. As if simply by hearing her voice, he would summon up all the strength he had buried inside and open his eyes. He would confound all the doctors, beat all the odds, and battle his way back to health—just to spite them simply because she called his name. But he didn't.

"I talked to the doctor," she said quietly. "He said that the kidney isn't working and that there's infection that isn't responding to the antibiotics." She stopped. Why was she telling him this as if it mattered. "He said there isn't anything else they can do, Billy. He said you're getting weaker and that it's just a matter of time before…"

Her eyes studied him. "Is he right, Billy? Are you leaving? We promised we'd never give up. We promised we'd never leave. Do you remember? You're the one who said that. You said that no matter what happens…No matter how mad we are, no matter what happens, we stay and we work through it together…we don't leave. You can't just change the rules now. That's now how this works! Do you hear me?" The tears were building now.

"This isn't what I'm supposed to be telling you," she started again. "I'm supposed to be telling you that it's ok. I'm supposed to tell you that if you're too tired…that if it's too much for you that it's ok to let go and that I'll be ok, but I can't tell you that. I can't tell you that because I don't think it's true. I don't think I'll be ok. I'm begging you not to leave me here. I need you, Billy. Charlotte needs you." She gripped his hand, pulling it towards her, pressing it to her stomach, "And there's someone else that needs you," she said quietly. "This isnt' the way I wanted to tell you, but we're gonna have another baby. You can't leave me alone with this. I can't raise two children without you."

"Two children?"

Phyllis turned around.

"I'm sorry, Phyllis," Ashley said quietly. "I didn't realize you were in here. We can come back."

"No, it's ok," Phyllis said as she stood up. Jack sat in the wheelchair as he held a sleeping Charlotte in his arms. She looked down at him. "She's asleep," she said softly.

"You're pregnant?" Jack asked softly as he shifted to let Phyllis take Charlotte from his arms without waking her.

"That's not important right now," she said quickly. "Why don't you spend some time with your brother and I'll be outside." Phyllis rushed from the room, feeling fresh tears streaming down her face.


	15. Chapter 15

Phyllis hurried from the room, tears streaming down her face. Jill stood quickly, rushing over to her.

"Please," she hissed, raising her hand in front of her. "I just..I can't right now, Jill. I just need a minute, please…"

Jill nodded, stepping back, and glancing back towards the door. She could see Ashley's silhouette through the double set of swinging doors, but Jack was no longer with her. The door to Billy's room was closed. She drew in a deep breath. Jack must be inside.

* * *

"I was supposed to fix it," Jack said quietly, his eyes scanning his brother's still body for any sign of life. It seemed impossible for one person to require so many medical interventions to stay alive. There seemed to be tubes and needles covering every square inch of visible skin and yet they still were unable to save him. Medical science was supposed to be so damn impressive—it didn't seem so spectacular when you were sitting at the bedside of someone you loved and watching them slip away.

He took in a deep breath, a sharp pain coursing through him as he did so. "God knows I tried, Billy." They used to be close—more than brothers, they were friends. They worked together, talked about things, confided in one another—and then it all changed. Jack felt his eyes begin to burn as he thought back. The thought of things as they were considering the way they were now, it was almost more than he could stand.

"Ashley told me to come in here and make things right," he said quietly, his hand still hovering over Billy's still body. He couldn't touch him. It made it all too real. "But I don't know how the hell to do that. How do you fix what happened to us? How do I fix the way we left things?"

He could still remember the last conversation they had in Genoa City.

* * *

 _"Damn it, Jack. You don't mean that." He stared at his brother, his eyes filled with tears—tears of sadness, tears of regret, and tears of rage._

 _"You don't get to tell me how I feel. I don't want you anywhere near me. I don't want to see you. I don't want to hear from you. I don't want you in this house. I don't want you in my company. I don't want you in this town." Jack glared at them as he continued to throw things into boxes. Every picture seemed to taunt him. Every souvenir held a memory of a trip or an occasion. He wanted it gone—all of it._

 _Phyllis stepped from behind Billy's protection. "Jack," she said quietly, attempting to touch him. "Please…I know you're hurt and…"_

 _"Don't you dare touch me….Don't you ever touch me again. Not after I know where your hands have been. Not after I know you've touched him. How can you even be here? How do you even have the nerve to look me in the eye after all the lies you told?"_

 _"That's enough!" Billy stepped between them. "You're not going to talk to her like that. You don't think you have any part in this? You think this would have happened if you had been there for her, if you had been supportive, if you had noticed that she was literally falling apart? Did you notice, Jack? Did you even care?"_

 _"You can't be serious? You're giving me marriage advice? You're gonna tell me how to be a better husband?"_

 _"Don't do this, Jack." He took a breath. "Look, I know you're never going to support our relationship, but we are family. There's more to consider here." Billy paused for a moment, looking over his shoulder at Phyllis._

 _She shook her head quickly at him. From the beginning she'd thought this was a bad idea. Nothing good would come of him knowing._

 _"She," Jack said the word with disgust as he gestured towards her, his voice literally dripping with disdain, "will no longer be an Abbott once the divorce is finalized and as for you, you were dead to me the moment you went to bed with my wife." He turned, throwing the box towards him. "Take whatever of this you want. I'll put the rest in the dump where it belongs."_

 _"Wait," Billy called out._

 _Jack stopped turning around slowly, trying to maintain his composure. "You really don't know when to quit, do you? I guess I see now why you were such a shit gambler."_

 _Billy shook his head, shrugging off the insult and walking closer to him. "Before you cut us out of your life, before you walk away completely…there's something you need to know. Phyllis is pregnant. She's going to have a baby. You're going to have a niece or nephew." He stopped, staring into his brother's eyes, silently praying for some sort of reaction—even if only for a slight bit of compassion._

 _Instead, he was greeted with silence._

 _"Isn't there anything you want to say," Billy asked. "Anything?"_

 _Jack nodded. "Actually, yeah…there is something." He walked down the stairs slowly stopping when he reached Phyllis._

 _She looked up at him, trepidation clearly visible on her face._

 _"I remember when we wanted to have a child so badly, Red. Do you remember that?" His icy blue eyes shone at her and she thought she detected a catch in his voice as he spoke._

 _"Of course I do," she nodded. "You would have been a wonderful father. I wanted to share that with you, Jack. Those moments were real. I…."_

 _"Stop," he whispered. "I can stand here now and tell you that I'm glad that never happened for us. I'm glad we never had a child together."_

 _Tears filled her eyes. "Jack," she whispered, beginning to see where the conversation was going._

 _"No, it's true…because no child should have to have a mother like you." He turned quickly stopping for a moment in front of Billy. "Now the two of you get the hell out of this house."_

* * *

"Jack…"

For a moment, he would have sworn he heard his name and as he blinked, clearing his eyes of tears he could see his brother's dark brown eyes looking up at him.

"Billy," he breathed. He gripped the wheels of his wheelchair. "Hold on, I've got to get the doctor. They need to come check you."

"No…pl…please..wait." His voice was weak but there was still urgency there.

Jack stopped, the look in his brother's eyes somehow telling him he needed to listen. He couldn't miss this moment—just in case it was the last one he had.


	16. Chapter 16

"Billy, just let me get you a doctor. We can talk just as soon as they make sure everything is ok."

Billy struggled to push himself up in the bed. He needed to look his brother in the eye. This conversation was more important than anything else—more important than any doctor, certainly more important than his discomfort. This was about his family. He forced air into his lungs as he stared at his brother. "Did she tell you?"

Jack looked back at him. He could see the pain in his face, both physical and emotional. "Tell me what?"

For a moment, he wondered if he'd imagined it, if what Phyllis had said had been a dream. "A baby," he whispered, "Phyllis said we were gonna have another baby?"

Jack nodded. "Yes, I heard that. I haven't had a chance to talk to her about it yet."

"That's what I need to tell you, or ask you…" He fought for control of his breath. "I need you to do something for me."

"I kind of think I already have done something for you." Jack smiled, an awkward laugh escaping his lips. There was something especially heartwrenching about the awkwardness of this moment—especially given how close he and his brother used to be.

Billy smiled back weakly, finding some comfort in the simple attempt at normalcy. "Something else…" His voice was weak, but he pressed forward, the enormity of the request too important to allow the chance to slip away.

"What? What do you need?" At that moment, it didn't matter that he was still holding a grudge. It didn't matter about his anger or his pride. The only thing that mattered was his brother—the brother that might very well be dying in front of his eyes. The brother that was asking him to do something for him, something important.

The thought of it had been echoing in his mind over and over again. It was hard enough to think about, but saying it—actually forming the words and hearing them out loud…"I'm not sure I'm gonna…"

Jack shook his head quickly. "Don't say that. You're gonna be just fine. It's just taking a little bit of time for your body to adjust. That's all."

"You've never been a very convincing liar, Jack. I was always better at that." He grimaced again as he attempted to sit up further.

"Billy, I'm not…"

"Just stop…You and I both know this isn't getting better and I need you to …" He closed his eyes, taking another breath. "I need you to promise me that you'll be here if I…" The words were even more painful than he anticipated. "If I can't be here, I don't want her to be alone. If I can't be with her. My kids..and Phyllis…I need to know that you'll…"

* * *

"I don't want anything." Phyllis pushed the cup away as Jill took a seat across from her. She glanced up after a moment. "I'm sorry. I know you're just trying to help. I'm just…" Tears began to stream down her cheeks.

Jill nodded, standing up and moving to seat beside her. "I know," she whispered. "I wish they would tell us something. These damn doctors walking in and out of these rooms. They can't stop and just tell us what's going on?"

"I know what's going on, Jill."

"Phyllis," Jill started, struck by the words she uttered. "Billy's a fighter. You were there years ago when he came back to us. He can do the same thing this time. You've got to believe that. He needs you to believe that. He loves you so much…I'm so sorry I didn't see that before, but I see it now and I see how much you love him. That kind of love can do things medical science couldn't even dream of, so please…you can't give up on him."

"I don't want to, Jill, but I sat in there with him…I begged him to come back and nothing. It was like he didn't even know I was there. I told him about the baby. My God—if that didn't bring him back." She sat quietly for a moment before turning to look at Jill. "I know you two haven't gotten to spend a whole lot of time together, but did Billy tell you anything about the night Charlotte was born?"

"No. No he didn't, but I'd love to know." Jill smiled, happy that Phyllis was willing to share these details with her, especially since she hadn't been involved.

"We had just been to the doctor's office the day before and they weren't expecting me to deliver for another few weeks, so Billy being the hopeless romantic he is decides we need to go on a babymoon. I was way past flying, so he books this little bed and breakfast with an amazing view of the lake. It's an amazing place—absolutely beautiful, until we realize that our villa requires us to climb what must have been two hundred stairs. We finally got up to the room and both of us knew I wasn't leaving again unless we were heading home. Billy goes out and gets food and snacks and brings everything back for us."

"Sounds like the two of you had a nice time," Jill said with a smile.

"Yeah, we did..until about three o'clock in the morning when I woke up with what I thought was just some lower back pain. I figured I'd been cramped in the car and we were in a different bed and I'd climbed all the stairs, so I really just shrugged it off. Billy suggested I get up and move around a little and when I did, I realized immediately that we weren't dealing with a sore back." Phyllis smiled, still able to remember the look on Billy's face when reality hit.

"Neither of us knew how we were getting down those stairs," she laughed, "but I told him I crawl down them before some 911 operator was talking us through delivering our own baby. I made it about five steps down before the first contraction hit and I almost pulled down the railing. That's when he called the ambulance and it's a good thing he did. There's no way we would have made it in time on our own. Charlotte was born 23 minutes after we got there."

"Wow," Jill sighed. "She wasn't wasting any time was she?"

Phyllis shook her head, the memories of that night still so vivid. "I can still remember the look on his face when he held her for the first time," she whispered. "I can't imagine doing this without him."

* * *

"Billy, I don't want you to talk like that. Don't even think like that. You're gonna get better and you're gonna be there for Charlotte and Phyllis…and for this new baby. You're gonna do all those things. You don't need me."

Billy struggled to keep his eyes open, but his brother's voice now seemed very far away. "Please Jack," he managed, the words now only a mere whisper, "Promise."

"Alright," Jack bellowed finally. "It that will give you some relief, fine, but it's never going to happen. You're worrying about something that's never going to happen. You're going to get better. You're going to have a good life with your family and then you and I can…" The sound of shrill beeping began to fill the room. Suddenly the once still room was filled with people and he felt his body being shoved aside.

Words were being shouted across the bed as people began to feverishly grab tools, and tubes.

"He's coding!" a voice said as another yelled "Get him out of here!"

"Billy!" Jack yelled.

The nurse gently pushed the wheelchair from the room, moving him into the waiting area before rushing back into the trauma unit.

Phyllis rushed over to him. "Jack," she said quickly. "What's wrong? What happened?"

"I didn't get to tell him," he muttered. "I didn't get to tell him we'd fix it. I didn't get to tell him I forgave him."


	17. Chapter 17

"Sit down," Jill said, her own voice shaking as she tried to put on a brave face. She looked over at Jack's face, his expression telling her more than she needed to know about what happened in that room.

Phyllis gripped the arm of the chair, her chest heaving with sobs. This was supposed to save him, not kill him. "I can't," she wailed, as she struggled to stand up again. "I can't just sit here while he's in there without me."

Jack turned his chair towards her, grimacing slightly as the movement pulled at his stitches. He reached out, a bit hesitantly, laying his hand on her arm.

Her eyes rose, widening as she looked at him.

"Jill," he said softly, looking over at her. "Could you give us a minute, please?"

"Sure. I'll go check on Abby and Ashley. They've got Charlotte outside." She headed towards the door, glancing back over her shoulder before finally heading out into the cool air.

Silence settled into the space between them. The sound of the trauma until doors startled her and she started to stand until she saw the doctor walking towards her. "Oh, God," she breathed, terrified of the words she might hear next.

"He's okay," the doctor said gently. "We've got him stable."

"Thank God," Jack whispered, his hand awkwardly patting her arm. "So he's going to be okay?"

"That's where things get complicated. The latest bloodwork actually shows the transplanted kidney is beginning to function which is precisely what we were hoping to see. Unfortunately, the stress to his other organs may have been far more extensive than we anticipated."

"His other organs?" Phyllis felt her head begin to spin. She couldn't process anything more. It was as if she was on some horrific roller coaster of emotions. For every piece of good news, there were two bits of bad. "So what are you saying exactly? What are you going to do to fix it?"

The doctor shook his head. "There's not very much we can do," he said solemnly. "The best thing right now is to wait and see if he rebounds. The human body is a pretty complex thing and medical science can only do so much. I'll say this—a great deal of this will depend on how much Mr. Abbott wants to recover."

Jack extended his hand, shaking the doctor's politely as he stood and began to walk away. He turned his attention back to Phyllis who sat quietly in her chair. "I don't know what to do," she muttered.

"You heard the doctor. It's up to Billy now. He has to fight to get better. I know he wants to. I know how much he wants to be here with you and Charlotte and…"

Phyllis looked up, her eyes meeting his for a moment before looking away. "I'm sorry you walked in on that," she said quietly. "That isn't the way I would have wanted you to hear that. I wasn't really planning on telling anyone."

"Don't even worry about that right now. The only thing you need to worry about is taking care of yourself and these babies. I can tell you that's what Billy's worried about."

His words hit a chord with her and she felt her demeanor instantly falter. "What are you talking about?"

Jack took a breath. At first he'd been unsure if he should mention Billy's request, but now, given what the doctor had shared, it seemed right to be upfront. Phyllis needed to know that she and their family were the only things on Billy's mind at that moment. If anything could make him fight to hold on—it was the promise of being there for them.

"When I was in there earlier, he opened his eyes."

Tears came almost instantly and she was powerless to keep them from falling. "Did you talk to him? What did he say? Why didn't you get me? Why didn't anyone come get me?"

"I'm sorry," he said quickly. "I tried to come out, but he stopped me. He was so insistent that I listen to him. He practically begged me to let him talk before I left."

"What did he say?"

Jack closed his eyes, thinking back to the conversation that had occurred just moments before but that now seemed to be so long ago. "He wanted me to promise him that I would take care of you and the baby and Charlotte in case he couldn't."

"In case he couldn't…" The tears fell faster down her cheek. "That's ridiculous. I hope you told him that."

Jack looked at her, not saying a word in the moment. All the anger he'd been holding in his heart, all the resentment and revenge—none if seemed important right now. He was watching a woman he'd loved for years fall apart in front of him and there was nothing he could say to ease her pain.

"Jack," she said, her voice now more harsh, "You told him that was ridiculous, right? You told him he was going to be fine and that he was going to do all those things, right?"

"Red…" His hand brushed hers lightly.

She jerked her hand away quickly. "Don't call me that! What the hell is the matter with you! I don't want you! I don't need you! I need him." Her body shook with sobs, her words now coming out in strained screams. "I need him…"

Jill rushed back into the room. "Phyllis?" She rushed over, having heard the screams echoing through the corridor. Her eyes darted over to Jack's. "What on earth happened? It's not?" She gripped the back of a chair, her legs threatening to give out beneath her as the worst possible thought crossed her mind.

"No," he said softly. "The doctor said he's stable for the moment. His bloodwork is actually a bit better as far as kidney function, but they're worried about the stress on his other organs. It's just waiting now."

Jill shook her head. "Seems like we've been hearing that same damn story for way too long." She turned her attention towards Phyllis. "Can I get you anything?"

Phyllis took a breath, rallying herself. "Did you find them?"

"Yeah, Ashley and Abby are bringing Charlotte in…they were just hanging back a bit. I wanted to make sure everything was okay first."

She nodded. "Good..I need my daughter. Can you get her for me, please?"

* * *

Phyllis stepped into the room. She gently swayed with Charlotte who rubbed her eyes with tiny fists and fussed a bit. "I know," she whispered. "It's way past your bedtime, isn't it?"

It would be so easy to dissolve into tears, to collapse onto the bed next to him and beg him to come back, but she couldn't do that—not in front of her daughter. Instead, she gently eased onto the foot of the bed, moving as close to him as she could.

"Billy?" she whispered, easing Charlotte out of her arms and leaning her against his legs. She smiled as the little girl batted her hands against his knees. If anything could reach him, she knew Charlotte could. There was nothing in the world he wouldn't do for his baby girl. "Billy," she repeated, her throat tightening this time, as she spoke. "Jack said you asked him a question." Her eyes filled with tears as Charlotte stared up at her.

"I want you to know that's not okay with me. It won't make things okay. If you're not here…I can't…." She stopped, not sure she could keep it together to say anything more. She closed her eyes, pulling Charlotte close to her as she rocked her gently back and forth.

She heard the rustle of the sheets before anything else. Her eyes opened slowly and for a moment she was afraid she was imagining something she wanted far too much. "Billy," she breathed. It seemed like forever since she'd looked into his eyes. "You're awake. You're here."

He smiled weakly, summoning every bit of strength he had to speak, "Wherever you are," he breathed. "I'm wherever you are."


	18. Chapter 18

"And just what do you think you're doing?" Phyllis stood in the in the threshold between the kitchen and living room with crossed arms. She smiled at him as he froze in place.

"She was fussing."

"She was not." She bent down, scooping Charlotte up and waiting for him to sit back down on the couch before handing her to him. Seeing them together was pure bliss. There were moments in the not so distant past that she'd feared she might only have the memories. "You know the doctor said he didn't want to lifting," she scolded gently. "I just don't want you to hurt yourself."

"The doctor said no heavy lifting," he grinned. "I hardly think she qualifies."

Phyllis scooted closer, letting her head drop to his shoulder and sighing as she felt his arm snake around her waist. "I don't know," she whispered, "she's getting so big. She's growing like a weed. She'll be a year old before we know it."

"I know. She'll turn one a few months before we welcome this new little one, right?" Billy ran his hand across the slight rounded orb of her belly. "I still can't believe this." His eyes flashed with wonder as he looked up at her. He remembered how happy she'd been when they'd found out about Charlotte. For years she'd believed it was impossible for her to get pregnant again and now they were blessed with not one, but two children.

She nodded, smiling as she felt the tears filling her eyes.

"Hey," he whispered, "What's wrong? Why the tears?"

"Sorry. I'm just…It's the hormones, I guess. I'm being silly." She looked away, desperately trying to compose herself. He didn't need this right now. He was home, recovering from major surgery. That should be his focus, not a girlfriend that was falling apart.

"Phyllis—Don't bother trying to lie to me. I know you too well. Now I know something's bothering you and it's more than just hormones. Tell me what's going on."

"I'm not upset, not really." Trying to put her feelings into words had always been difficult for her. Sometimes her thoughts were like squirrels running around in her head and it was easier just to let them run themselves ragged than to try and pin them down to make sense of them. "I think it's just now hitting me..now that everything's calmed down…now that your family has gone back to the hotel, now that you're here with me and Charlotte. I'm realizing how close we were to…"

It made sense that she wouldn't want to talk about it. He didn't even like to think about it. The entire concept made him sick inside. The mere idea of her being alone, of raising Charlotte without him, of going through a pregnancy without him, of going through day after day knowing that he'd never be there with them again—it was something he'd never wish on her, or on anyone. "I'm so sorry you had to go through that."

"It's not your fault. You certainly didn't ask for any of this."

"I know, but still…I hate that you were alone. It must have been awful. If the roles were reversed.." He shook his head, banishing the thoughts to the dark crevices of his mind where thoughts like that belonged. "I can't even imagine."

"I actually wasn't alone. As hard as it may be to believe, you mother was actually very supportive and she was there for me and Charlotte. She was actually a comfort which was nice." She looked over at Charlotte who was now sleeping soundly in his arms. "As terrible as this entire thing has been, I'm grateful that it brought your family back. Charlotte will have her extended family in her life and your mother has finally accepted our relationship. It's good..something really good came out of all of this."

Billy tilted his head a bit. "And Jack?"

She didn't miss the hesitation in his voice as he said his brother's name. "Jack and I had a long talk about the question you asked him." She saw his face flinch at the mention of the subject.

"I was wondering when this was going to come up."

"Yeah…he told me what you two talked about and…"

Billy interrupted. "Phyllis, before you get upset, I need you to know that I really wasn't…"

"I know that you were only trying to do the right thing, but I need you to know that nothing and no one could ever replace you in my life or in Charlotte's life, so no more interviewing candidates, okay?" She smiled at him as he nodded.

Relaxation flooded her body as she felt him shift her closer to him and she allowed her head to fall to rest on his chest, the smell of Charlotte's baby lotion lulling her into a peaceful bliss. As if on cue, the doorbell sounded.

"Figures," she groaned, standing quickly and hurrying to the door. "Jack." She stepped back, motioning for him to step inside. "I'm sorry. I wasn't expecting to see you out and about so soon."

Jack nodded sharply. "Yeah, you know they don't really give you much of a break for anything these days." His eyes drifted over to Billy who still sat on the couch cradling a sleeping Charlotte. "I was actually hoping I could speak to Billy for a moment."

"Of course." Phyllis reached down and took the baby, turning back towards the two men before she headed upstairs. "I've got some laundry upstairs to take care of, but please help yourself to anything you'd like in the kitchen."

Jack waited for a moment to ensure she was upstairs before turning back towards Billy. "The stuff in the kitchen," he said quietly, "Did she make it?"

Billy shook his head with a smile. "Picked it up from the bakery this morning—grab one of the lemon poppyseed muffins, they're amazing."

* * *

"Well, I think we've filled enough space with mindless small talk, don't you?" Jack glanced up over his cup, chuckling a bit at the surprised expression on his brother's face. "Come on, Billy. You didn't honestly think I just dropped by to see how you were doing and to poach muffins did you?"

"Well, I thought maybe you were just taking advantage of being in the same city as your brother maybe…"

"Which brings me to my point..." Jack looked at him again, a more serious expression playing on his face. "Have you thought about what we talked about on the phone the other day."

Billy sighed. "Jack, I just don't know if that's the right thing right now. I mean, Phyllis and I have a really good thing here. We've got a fresh start and we really like it here."

"The reason you and Phyllis moved here was largely because of the strain in the family, right?"

"Well, yes, but.."

"And now that the strain has lessened, wouldn't it make sense that the best way to ensure that the family builds on that is to continue to communicate and spend time together?"

"Jack, it's not that simple. There are other things to consider."

"Other things like what? Like your daughter…like your soon to be born second child?" Jack sighed as he picked a few pieces of fallen muffin off his tie. "Don't you think they would love to have some family close by? Wouldn't you love for them to have aunts and uncles and cousins that they could have sleepovers with and go to birthday parties for?"

"Of course I would, but what about my job. I have a good job here that I love and…"

"There's a place for you at Jabot in any department you want…and not just gruntwork..something you'll love, something you're good at. You tell me what you want and I'll make it happen."

Billy paused, thinking a moment. "You're really serious about this aren't you? This is really important to you?"

"Yeah, it is. Dad's gone, Billy. Life can change so damn fast and it's up to us to make the most of every single second we have." He cleared his throat, trying to fight the emotion that threatened to choke out his words. "So, please…at least think about it."

"I don't need to," Billy said flatly.

Jack stood. "Alright, I understand. Just know that if you change.."

"I'll talk to Phyllis and if she's on board, then so am I?" The smile on his brother's face made him certain of his decision, but he knew he needed one more thing. "There's just one thing I'm gonna need from you in return."

Jack's eyes shone with happiness. "Name it," he said happily.

* * *

 _ **3 weeks later**_

"You like it?"

"Like it? Traci, it's incredible. How did you pull this off so fast?"

"I'm incredible, what can I say?" She smiled broadly as she brought him close to her for a hug. "Oh, Billy. I'm just so happy for you I could just burst."

"No bursting…not here. It would ruin the mood." Billy grinned as he kissed her cheek. "Seriously though, I can't thank you enough for doing this on such short notice."

"No thanks needed. I'd do absolutely anything for you. You're my little brother." She turned towards the sound of an opening door. "And, speaking of brothers, there's my other brother who happens to look incredibly dashing."

"As do you," Jack said, taking in the room. "And this looks amazing, as I'm sure you've been told about a hundred times today." Jack leaned in to kiss her cheek before looking over at Billy.

"You ready for this?" he asked.

Traci stood watching them for a moment. "I'm gonna go check on the caterer," she said quickly, recognizing the awkwardness of the situation.

"More than ready," Billy said with a smile. "Listen Jack," he began at the exact same moment his brother began to speak. They both laughed awkwardly.

Jack smiled, looking for something to break the tension that had suddenly settled over the room. "You go first," he said. "It's your wedding."

"Yeah. It is. It's my wedding. Look, Jack. I know this is a little weird." He saw his brother's eyes dart up at him, a sly smile creeping upon his face. "Alright, it's a lot weird." A laugh escaped his lips, as if a pressure valve was finally beginning to leak. "I just..I want you to know that I know this isn't normal and I know how hard this probably is for you. More than that though, I want you to know how much I appreciate you agreeing to do this—to stand up for me here. You're the best man I've ever known and I wasn't sure this would ever happen. I was afraid you'd never agree to do this for me."

"If I'm being honest, at first I wasn't sure I could. I was afraid it would be too hard—that seeing you standing up here beside Phyllis would be too much, but when you asked me…" He swallowed hard, the lump in his throat rising. "When you asked me to be Charlotte's godfather, I realized that this isn't about the past anymore. This is about the future. You love her and no matter how it started, this is the way it should be now. She loves you and you love her and the two of you have made an incredible family together, so if I can do something to make that possible, I'm sure as hell going to."

Billy didn't speak. He didn't have to. He simply clasped his hand on his brother's shoulder and moved towards the front of the room as the music began to play. His heart beat a little faster. His hands began to shake. It became harder to catch his breath, but he didn't worry—he was just fine. That's the way he always felt when he saw her walking towards him. That was what love felt like.

 _ **The End**_


End file.
